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Dan Savage has done a lot of good work in advancing the cause of equality for the nice sinners in the homo and lady-homo community, but I'd like to think his greatest achievement of all has been giving bored dump-takers throughout the country an excuse to read about fisting and blow jobs on the shitter in the backpages of their local alt-weeklies. Yesterday floppy-hatted, mustachioed pizza magnate, and Republican front runner Herman Cain...Wait, front runner? That can't be right. /quick Google search.
/walks outside for a while. /stares off reflectively by a body of water. /listens to new Coldplay album.
They know he's a black guy right?
/stands outside in the rain.
Oh, God told him to run. Never mind, this whole thing checks out. Not entirely sure how to resolve this absolute horror show of a grammatical construction here, so let's just start again: Yesterday Savage said to Cain, you believe homosexuality is a choice? Suck my dick. No, literally, suck my dick.
Cain had made remarks to that regard in an interview recently, news of which I am simply going to cut and paste from the Huffington Post here, because I feel like that sort of thing might impress whoever does the hiring over there if I ever need to apply for a job with them.
Sex columnist and It Gets Better campaign co-founder Dan Savage has some choice words for Herman Cain.
The presidential hopeful's stance on homosexuality -- that it's a choice -- has drawn outrage from many, but Cain continues to hold his ground. Earlier this week he discussed his views with talk show host Piers Morgan:
Cain: I think it's a sin because of my biblical beliefs and, although people don't agree with me, I happen to think that it is a personal choice.
Morgan: You think people wait — you believe people get to a certain age and say, I want to be homosexual?
Cain: Let me turn it around to you. What does science show? Show me evidence other than opinion and you might cause me to reconsider that...Where is the evidence?
...
Cain: ... I respect their right to make that choice. You don't see me bashing them. I respect them to have the right to make that choice. I don't have to agree with it. That's all I'm saying
Morgan: It would be like a gay person saying, Herman, you made a choice to be black.
Cain: You know that's not the case. You know I was born black.
Morgan: Maybe if they say that, they would find that offensive.
Cain: Piers, Piers. This doesn't wash off. I hate to burst your bubble.
Morgan: I don't think being homosexual washes off.
In response to Cain's comments, Savage offered him the chance to prove that homosexuality is in fact a choice, writing on The Stranger's Slog blog:
Dear Herman, If being gay is a choice, show us the proof. Choose it. Choose to be gay yourself. Show America how that's done, Herman, show us how a man can choose to be gay. Suck my dick, Herman. Name the time and the place and I'll bring my dick and a camera crew and you can suck me off and win the argument.Savage also noted that Cain is insulting straight people as well gay people when he claims that one's sexuality is something that is chosen. "Straight people should get angry when they hear a straight person making this argument," he wrote.
Very sincerely yours,
Dan Savage
One more reason to love Mr. Savage.
Another reason? His big gay dick, they didn't say, but that would be funny if they did.
Close it out with a pithy call-back punch line. Post it to Facebook. Watch the likes pour in from people who agree with my political views. Call it a day's hard work. The end.
Close it out with a pithy call-back punch line. Post it to Facebook. Watch the likes pour in from people who agree with my political views. Call it a day's hard work. The end.
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7 comments:
I'm not so sure.
I bought candles for my apartment today. I didn't have to, but I did.
Candles.
Sounds a little...eh....
Keep in mind, I'm not sure not wanting to suck Dan Savage's cock is evidence that you're straight.
When can you start?
Regards,
Huffington Post
...shakes head. Sad really. Great post though. I need to weave my way through all these republican candidates.
I'm trying to maintain a steady indifference until I'm forced otherwise.
I can gay out this comments section by hitting on you or Dan Savage but I'll just say that the washing off comment from poor man's Larry King/poor man's Simon Cowell makes me hate him a little less. And that's considering that I endured America's Got Talent.
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