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For some reason, probably everything I've ever written on this site, people like to send me stupid things. I like that, because it's a lot easier than reading the entire internet, which is what I normally spend most of my day trying to do. Here's a few that were stupid enough to share with you stupid people, because if there's one thing the internet needs more of, it's sites that link to stupid things on the internet.
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"At first glance it looks like you're typical baby king snake," begins this video report from some copywriter who hates herself, I'm guessing. "But when Paul so and so found this slithering around his backyard, he realized this royal serpent would need two crowns." See what she did there?
"What do I do with this thing?" he asks? I dunno, shit your pants, run away as fast as you can, and never go outside again? That's probably what I would do.
"You see, the snake has not one head, but two. 'I was worried about which head was going to bite me,' said Carver. So Carver held onto it and showed it around took it to Grandstaff who was just as bewildered."
Not to be outdone in the self-loathing, the automaton who rehashed the story on the Huffington Posts lobbed a few puns onto the shit-heap, which I will now recap here on a site that recaps recaps.
"When Paul Carver saw what looked like a baby king snake crawling around in the backyard of his Clarksville, TN, home, he did a slight double take."
"Two heads aren't better than one in this case. Grandstaff says the snake's chances of survival in the wild aren't very good."
Speaking of no chance to survive in the wild, Christine sent over this link to New York Magazine's Look Book section. "Everything about this interview should be $OTL."
Hard to argue with that.
So you don’t believe in the no–white–after–Labor Day thing?
No, I don’t. I think white’s an all-year-round thing.Is white hair an all-year thing?
I was bright red, then I was brown, then I just bleached it white. I love looking completely washed out, almost like a ghost.
Funny that she wants to be like a ghost, because she scares me, and I can see right through her. Except for her age. How old is this ghost, 25, or 65? I already stopped caring. About anything.
Except fashion, I mean. Everyone loves fashion. Like my homegirl Colleen, who slid this crumpled up ball of pop culture news down the trash chute of my inbox. "hahahaha!! This is soooo stupid that I had to share :)
" Indeed, and well you did.
" Indeed, and well you did.
"Pippa Middleton Dresses Like a Hipster!" galumphs US Magazine.
A week after making news for wearing a plunging red gown to a posh charity event, Pippa Middleton took another bold (for her) fashion risk. The 28-year-old Brit, who is known for rocking short, feminine dresses, stepped out on Tuesday in a red and black plaid flannel shirt and skinny black jeans. She accessorized with sunglasses, wedges and her favorite Modalu bag.
So like a hipster to accessorize with sunglasses.
Everyone was excited about this thing from the Globe and Mail for some reason, where the caption writer wrote snarky comments next to fashion photos, which is only slight less embarrassing than writing regular comments next to fashion photos.
sent the link to me last night, saying "Caption writer went rogue at Globe and Mail. Witness HISTORY (before it's taken down)." Which sounded a little too good to be true to me, so I did this weird thing called looking around a little bit and realized that this dude writes snarky captions all the time on their celebrity photo section and declared not a thing. (Still though, sneaking in that one of the homeless protester is pretty lulzy).
That's what passes for rigorous journalism standards online these days. Gawker posted about it under the headline "Photo Caption Writer Goes Rogue" which is surprisingly the same language everyone else was using to pass it around. That's weird that Gawker would post something without checking it out first. So not like them.
Anyway: journalism!
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6 comments:
spidergoat.
Giving back to the community here.
This was better than reading the entire internet...but just barely.
Barely better than the internet. Not a bad tagline.
Awwww, kill it with hugs.
Ha. Hug it with fire? Compromise?
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