this hotel has a beer opener on the bathroom wall but no hand lotion. wtf/

if you feel me

Way to rep America, O'Neil.

"Oi that soft Yank wanted a bit of lotion 'e did."

When in Britain spank it dry.

P.S. Don't you dare delete this article like you did with the fellatio on the slide flute business.

Hugs, Mom

Ha! I didn't delete that shit. It's still there.

So it is. I could've sworn it was after the Huey Lewis piece. Jesus I'm a burnout. Apologies, sir.

More importantly, who's going to bang some English hooers? Luke? Eurodrugs? Hmmmmm? Show 'em how we do my N-word. International incident up in this bitch!

Screw going to a Scottish gym. You need to go on some Highlander exercise regiment, which I assume is like the way Rocky works out in Rocky IV, but with a sword, and with Sean Connery yelling and smacking you around, instead of that old dead guy.

Hey broski. I'd invite you over to my house but I'm really busy.

stopped by anyway. i'm out front.