No way a benevolent, omniscient being would suffer his beautiful children to share the earth with crawling demons such as this one that attacked me at the gym. last night, asking if I should pardon it for its sins against decency, or smash it back to the hell from whence it came. The overwhelming majority voted for a swift, but merciful, execution.
I couldn't do it. As one friend pointed out, "killing them is almost worse than knowing they're still on the loose... I squished one of those fuckers in my bathroom and its bazillion nasty legs kept wiggling for a solid minute after it was dead. :("
Another said "Ya these are creepy. Couple years ago I was shutting a window and two of them slithered up out of the notch where the ropes go down on either side of the sash, walked right over the back of my hand. I had the heebie-shakes for like 3 hours."
I know how he felt. I almost had the dry heaves just knowing that homeboy existed, just sitting there, motionless, considering his next move.
Then while I was busy staring at my phone, IT DISAPPEARED. SHIT SHIT SHIT.
I tried to go back about my business, but it was no use. He'd used his buggy telepathy to invade my brain. Were we connected now in some sort of symbiosis process? How many eggs could I look forward to hatching? What's on TV tonight?
"You better hope it's not following you on Facebook," another friend said. WTF? He was. Worst part, he was already smoking me at Words With Friends.
After a few queasy moments, dude came storming out of nowhere while I was doing my cable flys (bro). I jumped on the bench and squealed, just pointing to no one in particular. NOT SO TOUGH NOW O'NEIL, he said, probably. A couple of bad ass weightlifting broads nearby started laughing at me.
Fuck it, I have no shame. I had to ask another nearby bro to kill it for me. My whole gym thinks I'm a pussy now. It was worth it not touching it
MISS U ALREADY SOMETIMES MONSTER BUG :(
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7 comments:
I don't think you would survive very long in a tropical climate.
Yeah yo, even Florida and shit bugs me out no pun.
Where God is really a bastard - those creepy uglies eat bedbugs like popcorn. YOUR MOVE, HUMANS.
they do ? hmmm, maybe NYC should be releasing buckets of these things into their hotels?
It may come to that, tho the house centipedes reproduce quickly, have "poisonous" bites (not 'deadly', but you don't want 'em biting you) and are much more visible than bedbugs. Would probably not stay again at that hotel if you saw three of those at your stay, bedbug-free or not.
saw one of these while I was watching the wire. after a few minutes of cowering in a corner, it pulled the same exact disappearing act. fucked me up for two days. does hating these count as a phobia? is it an almost phobia, like the almost alcoholic?
also went to haiti once and rode in bus with cockroach the size of my fist. fucking hate bugs so much
I found a bedbug at a hotel in NYC over the summer. Peaced right the fuck out of there. Otherwise never really seen them. Seen plenty of silverfish and shit everywhere though. Not sure what's worse.
Haitian cockroaches are on another level I can't even get into thinking about.
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