I'm not sure if this is more emblematic of the ridiculousness of what passes for "news" these days, or of the trend of parents exercising their right to be outraged when it comes to anything regarding their children -- it's probably a little of both. I'm just glad we didn't have idiot news programs like this one on whatever idiot station in whatever idiot city it comes from back when I was a kid, because I would've kicked off the night's top stories every other week or so. They would've needed to assign a dedicated reporter to the little Luke shits his pants in class beat.
Also glad those days are way behind me now that I'm an adult, because I have certainly never shit my pants since then. Definitely not on the way into work that one time a few years ago when I thought I could make it through a quick subway ride that got delayed, and had to penguin walk a few blocks to the office, with people walking down the street behind me who were probably my co-workers,and oh god please don't be my co-workers, and then I just had to sort of stop and let it happen, shaking the excess run-off out of the bottom of my pants leg onto the sidewalk while pedestrians hustled by. Haha. That would be weird. Then I'd probably go into the office bathroom and take off my pants and try to wash them in the sink, and throw my underwear into that little crack in the wall that kind of leads down to nowhere where they would still reside all these years later, a monument to my incontinence. Long story short, the local news is awesome.
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28 comments:
THE LEAD STORY! And the fucking last name is Skidmore!
Is it the lead story? Jesus. Well, now it's the lead story on here too I guess.
oooomf, shit me kecks innit? Heard tall Jakes new stuff? Head like a sparrow inee?
The last name was Skidmore. Lulz were had by all.
Yeha, this could be an elaborate trolling.
Thanks for sharing your shitting trough story, Luke. Everyone I know has one and they're all too funny. I wish I would have been smart enough to freeball and let the loaf out of a pants leg. Nope I had a turd pack the ass of my tighty whities about halfway home. Then Mom wants to know why I'm showering and doing laundry at lunchtime. Since then I may have touched cotton with the tip but never a full blown incident. Shitting pants since 1776- America!
havent worn underwear since. JUST IN CASE
For once I'd like your 'breaking news' posts to ACTUALLY BE ABOUT BREAKDANCING. If that's not too much to ask FFS
Yo that's a pretty good idea. Does someone want to start a breakdancing column on here?
I do.
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