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| PROBABLY EXACTLY HOW IT LOOKED |
Universal Hub has the scoop today on a Boston nightclub where, you're not going to believe this, a bouncer acted like an entitled barbarian, and a wasted chick acted like a wasted chick. Weird, right? Just when I thought I'd seen it all.
A Royale employee's apparent indiscretion in dealing with a woman who really, really wanted to get back into a concert there on Jan. 18 earned the Theater District club a trip to the Boston Licensing Board to explain itself this morning.
Police say the woman, attending an 18+ show that night, told officers she was being escorted out of the club on Tremont Street for being too rowdy when a doorman suggested that if she "performed oral sex on him," he'd slip her back in.
Dude told the police no way, never happened, except woops, surveillance cameras nearby showed him taking the girl into a nearby Marriott Hotel and reemerging four minutes later. (Pretty quick trigger there bro). Go read the rest of the details at UH, it's pretty amazing. Worst part is, she didn't even get to go back into the show!
The reason why I bring this up here is because the exact same thing happened to me at that club. Well, kind of a similar thing I guess. I wrote about it a while back on here, although I never mentioned the specific club. But in light of this story being in the news today I thought it seemed appropriate.
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| Sick sweater bro. |
Don't tell anybody, but I went to a regular person's night club last night. It was one of those big, cavernous spots that have go-go dancers on platforms (aka strippers that aren't holding up their end of the bargain), over-priced beers in plastic cups and bottle service options at the same time, suburban chicks dancing awkwardly in high heels with their vulvas flopping out of their skirts and a general odor of roofies hovering in the air over the ravenously hunting packs of bro hyenas. Michelle thought it looked like the type of bar you'd see dealers in futuristic hobo outfits selling space drugs at in a Batman movie. In other words, kind of a good time.
They also gave us stricter security pat downs than a guy in a beard bomb would get if he was going to watch Obama spin Curtis Mayfield and Das Racist edits at a sick after hours. Our friend was playing though -- god having to say that, so sorry -- and the music was great, as it always is when he plays anywhere. The point is this though, on the way in, the bouncer wasn't going to let me in for wearing sneakers. I didn't realize that was a thing that still happened in the world. I always thought that was like an outdated joke about gay coke clubs from NYC in the seventies. Who knew?!
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| a threat to the club's cred |
He and the manager said if I danced the running man for them they'd let me in.
Just letting that one sink in for a minute.
He and the manager said if I danced the running man for them they'd let me in.
I said "That is pretty fucking degrading," then just stood there for a minute while they thought it over.
"It's a dance," he explained to me, mimicking the motions required.
"..."
Just letting that one sink in for a minute.
He and the manager said if I danced the running man for them they'd let me in.
I said "That is pretty fucking degrading," then just stood there for a minute while they thought it over.
"It's a dance," he explained to me, mimicking the motions required.
"..."
Is there a single person in the world who would do that? Maybe it's just me. After a little stand off they decided to remove the running man requirement.
The guys behind me weren't as lucky though. They were in the military and had white sneakers on. How do I know they were in the military? Because they whined about it to the bouncer five or six times when they couldn't get in. Is that a thing? Like soldiers get preferential treatment at clubs? Or they're supposed to? Is this what you people get up to when I'm not looking? I've really been letting this city go to shit.
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13 comments:
high-sterical
hey, I wasn't dancing awkwardly, I was sitting awkwardly.
Ha, that's true.
1: Fine, I'll do the running man.
2: That's the Roger Rabbit! End of the line for you!
1: fuck this place.
Ha. I could live with those instructions.
Military dudes do get preferential treatment. And the girls that give them that preferential treatment get the herp.
As a bouncer I busted a gal in some kind of super-heroine outfit trying to sneak into Axis on Halloween night 1992 without paying. She begged me to let her in for free-- no money? She was very pretty and had great legs so I told her OK if she'd give me a kiss. She leapt into my arms and performed a kind of fellatio on my mouth for about 4 minutes and I got to squeeze that ass. Ah the sweet 90s.
Still carrying that one in the bank, eh? I know how it is.
"Do the running man"? It all depends on their tone. If they're being jokey and cool, no problem. It didn't sound like they were being jokey and cool.
Sometimes I feel sorry* for drunk girls. As a man you carry the knowledge with you that someone could punch you in the face if you don't stay somewhat aware of your surroundings. Sometimes when girls are drunk they end up in situations where people don't treat them with respect because they don't have that subconscious fear men have had since their cavemen days.
*having to look after a drunk girl has a fun-factor comparable to self-circumcision
You rock non-vegan Sauconys to my club and you best be doing the running man if you want to get in.
So THAT'S why that particular Marriott is only a Category 5 for Marriott Rewards: Public Smoothie Stalls.
I think I would have done it. The running man, not the blow job. Maybe the blow job.
Not sure which is worse
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