Sry that yr dead u guyz :( Bronan the Barbarian pinch hits here with his list of the 5 Deadest Celebrities of the Year. Or was it the 5 People He Liked Who Are Dead? The important part is that the number 5 gets in the headline so stupid people will click on it.
Have you ever noticed that Americans are addicted to television, magazines and other media? This is primarily because most people lead empty, boring lives that must be filled with endless amounts of celebrity gossip and potato chips. Let’s take a moment to fill that gaping void in your soul with my list of awesome celebrities that used to be alive.
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| Dr. Kevorkian and his famous "killamajig" |
5. Jack Kevorkian – Affectionately known as “Dr. Death” (not to be confused with “Dr. Doom” from Marvel Comics – although they are both doctors), Jack Kevorkian achieved media infamy in for his efforts in assisting terminally ill patients commit suicide. I’m honestly more than a little bit surprised that Dr. Kevorkian died at all. I always thought he was harvesting souls in order to extend his own personal longevity through voodoo magic. Maybe I’m thinking of Mr. Rogers.
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Don't lie, you'd hit it
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4. Amy Winehouse - Deceased pop singer Amy Winehouse is probably more famous for her superhuman ability to cram any powdered substance up her nose than she is for actual music. Also she’s missing a tooth. I’m not sure if this is because of the rampant drug use or because she’s British. Both are equally bad for your teeth. Winehouse was the recipient of many music awards, as well as “Best Use of a Bumpit” in the British Hairdressing Awards. She will be missed by the many dealers that she owed money to.
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Steve "The Hand" Jobs
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3. Steve Jobs – Hailed by millions as the lord and savior of the nerd kingdom, Steve Jobs was the visionary behind Apple Computers. Jobs was instrumental in the creation and popularization of devices such as tablet computers and MP3 players. Jobs will best be remembered for his contributions as History’s Greatest Cockblock, as Apple’s iPhone allows women everywhere to achieve attention and validation through texting, phone calls and Facebook 24/7 without having to resort to speaking to another person face-to-face.
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| Snap into a Slim Jim |
2. The Macho Man Randy Savage – Professional wrestler, actor and fancy sunglasses advocate Randy “The Macho Man” Savage is best known for crashing through walls, shouting his popular catch phrase “Oh yeah!” His body is made of glass and his blood is comprised entirely of a sugary children’s drink. No, wait. That was the Kool Aid Man. The Macho Man shouted “Oh yeah” while wearing brightly colored cowboy hats and promoting salted meat byproducts.
…and the number one celebrity who died in 2011 is:
1. Seth Putnam -- Putnam, frontman of grind/noise band Anal Cunt, is hands-down the coolest dead celebrity of 2011. Creator of such awesome song titles as “” ““ ”” and Seth Putnam pioneered the idea of turning five seconds of noise and yelling into a song. Move over, Jimi Hendrix! Seth Putnam was captured on film in the middle of The Greatest Rock ‘N Roll Moment In History – butt-naked, shooting heroin while tied off with a guitar cable and simultaneously getting a blow job from a groupie. Predictably, Putnam died peacefully of old age.
--BRONAN THE BARBARIAN
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9 comments:
Still can't believe Macho Man is dead. Pretty much the only one on here I ever cared about.
I MISS U 2 MACHO MANZ. :(:?
"Both are equally bad for your teeth." LOL
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Seth was a good guy, I once paid him $600 for an A/C show with 2 security guards near me, because he was supposed to pay the other bands. Let's just say he 'ran' 'out the door' 'through the alley'.
Adolph Satan is the second best band name ever, and he also held the number one slot.
haha I love the image of him peaceing out with the cash.
You missed AC's greatest hit, "The Internet Is Gay", which could practically be your theme song.
That should start playing every time you open this site.
I am partial to Anal Cunt's "I Went Back in Time and Voted for Hitler".
I also find that concept hilarious.
Just had to post the link to that pic of Putnam getting the blowjob. Solid fucking gold.
http://finktoons.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/ANAL-CUNT.jpg
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