For as long as I can remember Massachusetts has been steeped in outdated Puritanical blue laws meant to hinder our beastly vices. As things are getting more and more relaxed, a total scumbag pauses to consider whether that's a good thing or not.
My home state of Massachusetts is well known for doing a few things very well, most of which any proud Masshole can and will list off at the slightest provocation whether or not they personally have anything to do with them (they don't). Not only did we basically invent America here, we've got the best universities and hospitals in the country, an august and profound tradition of literary greatness, the winningest professional sports franchises of the past decade, and an exceptional track record for churning out taste-making music. In short, fuck you.
We're also superlative drinkers; one recent study in the Daily Beast called us the drunkest state in the country. As I've said before, Boston and Massachusetts' national rep is based on our boozed-up bona fides. Ask people from other states what first comes to mind when they think about us, and they'll probably answer, in this order, pricks, drunk pricks, the Red Sox, drunk Red Sox fans, Sam Adams beer, “Cheers”, and Ben Affleck and Aerosmith doing Irish car bombs on St. Patrick's Day with Paul Revere.
But there's another truth about Massachusetts that confounds the stereotype of a state of whiskey-fueled Irish hooligans putting their (non-booze-holding) fists into eachother's necks at the slightest provocation, not to mention our status as Republican presidential candidates' code word for anarcho-socialists, and that's our restrictive laws regarding alcohol consumption and "vice" in general. I touched on this in a piece about how convoluted our drinking laws are a while back.
"It's funny: nationally, Massachusetts has a reputation of being the bluest of "blue states," thanks to our progressive politics. But not a single local has grown up here without encountering "blue laws," antiquated regulations (often related to alcohol) that are anything but liberal -- more like straight out of our buttoned-up, buckle-shoed Puritan past. The origin of the colorful term is subject to speculation: it's a reference to either an old definition of "blue" (which meant "rigidly moral" during Colonial times), the color of the paper that legal documents were once printed on, or the color of everyone's balls at the time, since these folks were definitely as repressed in the bedroom as they were at the bar.
Such laws are hardly ancient history, as anyone who has tried to buy booze before noon on Sunday (you know, the day when God pays attention), attempted to restock during a Memorial Day barbecue, or run out of wine during Thanksgiving dinner can attest."
That seems to be changing fast in recent years, and even more so these past few months. As any overly strict religious parent can attest, when little baby gets their first taste of sweet, sweet boozey freedom once they leave the nest, they dive in head first. Massachusetts is going through its own statewide version of the Catholic school girl at her first frat party/ Rumspringa orgy at once with newly proposed laws that would loosen our official state-sanctioned scumbag self determination policies and complete our transformation into a combination of Las Vegas, Pottersville, and that one scary island where the kids from Pinocchio got turned into donkeys.
Restrictions about when and where citizens can purchase alcohol have been scaled back in the past few years, which is good news for people who don't think Jesus has an opinion on what day on the calendar you can pick up a sixer (especially since he's been so busy worrying about important things, like determining the outcome of football games). A couple months back Governor Deval Patrick signed a bill into law that would legalize full scale casinos in the state. Coupled with that came the discussion about reintroducing the practice of happy hour at bars, something that's been illegal here since 1984. Bars and restaurants are currently prohibited from giving out free alcohol to customers, a common practice at casinos.
That possibility seems uncertain at the moment, as the discussion has been put on hold pending further study. "If the drinks are free, the chances are, they'll be drinking more," said prominent critic Ron Bersani, an advocate for stricter drinking laws whose granddaughter was killed by a drunk driver.
Despite my official status as a sort of vice-happy libertine, and everything I've written about drinking laws needing to be relaxed in my capacity as a bar and spirits reporter, I'm not sure I actually disagree with Bersani and the legion of finger-wagging moralists here. That's a new reaction for me, although it may be colored by another recent proposal to push this statewide sin party over the edge into a complete rager. The state lottery commission announced this week that it's considering the possibility of selling lottery tickets over the internet. A recent federal opinion from the Justice Department appears to have made this new-fangled means of vacuuming dollars out of the wallets of poor people in the name of raising taxes legal, as the Boston Globe reported. Also being considered is whether or not consumers can purchase lottery tickets with debit cards. One question that would need to be addresses is how legalizing gambling through the state online would effect the prohibition against online sports books. Will new opportunities to indulge like this turn us all into morally bereft gambling addicts in the same way that allowing happy hour will make the streets run red with blood from constant car crashes?
Surprisingly, I think they could. As someone who happens to thoroughly enjoy gambling, which is to say, I hate it in precisely the same way that anyone else who's spent enough time at the black jack table, or cursed at the television watching a football team come from behind with a back door cover on the spread, and has partaken in more than his fair share of illegal substances of one kind or another, I appreciate the barrier to entry for vice. Although to be honest, that might actually be part of the appeal. Being a person who is able to make something sketchy happen, or knows a guy who can, is sometimes part of the ritual that recovered addicts will talk about missing.
Ask anyone with an addictive personality how they've managed to lessen their habits, or to turn from them all together, and they'll probably say putting a few extra steps between themselves and their addiction of choice is a great boon. Consider friends who live upstairs from a bar, (Or in a distillery I guess. Can people live there because that sounds awesome?) or who've ever had the misfortune/awesome luck of living with a drug dealer. How much more did they indulge when the stuff was so readily available?
For me, the process of having to call a guy, wait for him to get back to me, go meet somewhere, and jump through any other number of hoops, whether it's for placing a bet, or calling in a unmanned-drone strike on my brain village, can often be just enough of hassle to make me reconsider. Sometimes that extra second of consideration buys you enough time to bail. I've occasionally had access to a sports betting site where I can enter my own wagers at will. During those times the frequency with which I would bet, the outrageous nature of the bets, and the reactionary bets -- ones I would make to get back the money I'd just lost on a prior bet -- were exponentially greater. Nowadays I'll make one or two texts and be content to lose my $50 or $100 for the weekend like a normal person.
I can't say for certain what making the lottery available to people sitting at home will do, whether or not obviating the trip down to the corner bodega to run their numbers will make them more likely to bet more and more often, but from my experience and that of my vast network of friendly losers, I'd say it's likely. In fact I'd call it a lock. Now if only there were a site I could go to to put my money where my mouth is, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Does anyone know a guy?
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7 comments:
Pussy.
Yeah, but for a lot more significant reasons than this one.
More discussion here. Fucking spreading the comments out dilutes everything. https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=225380574213407&id=837599184
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Very interesting read. I'm guessing with that law being passed and online gambling in the equation, at least some form of regulation will have to be put into place to keep things from going overboard.
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Did it get passed? I forgot to follow up on it. Crazzzy.
If they will be outlawing online gambling, then better outlaw real casinos too. Online and offline, they are still gambling.
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