This post from DJ On and On at Jump the Turnstyle is hilarious. Well, not the racist parts, but the writing I mean. Sadly, based on stories I've heard from my friends with mixed-race children (wait, is that what I'm supposed to call them?) this type of thing isn't all that uncommon. Reposted with permission from here.
I want to thank the good caucasian citizens of Boston for turning my 4 year old son into a racially hyper-sensitive basket case.
Every Friday, my mother, a strong white woman raised in the streets of Chelsea, picks up my alleged son from his Vietnamese run pre-school in Fields Corner. She usually brings him to the movies or the Children’s Museum for a few hours, then delivers him to me for the weekend.
They adore each other. She’s dropping $2K on a 2 week summer camp for “gifted children” she got him accepted into at M.I.T.
She wants him to either be an engineer, or travel with the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra as a violin player. She only buys him Lacoste or Polo shirts because she deems only their cotton to be suitable enough for his precious skin. If she hears of a news story in Nebraska about a 4 year old falling down a well, I get a frantic phone call from her demanding to know if he had a play date scheduled in Omaha that day.
Sometimes I just wanna say, “Ma…get off his dick already.”
So last night, she picks him up from
"Where is your mommy liitle booooy?” My son is on some boss shit. If he doesn’t recognize you when you approach, he stares into your soul until you step the fuck off.
Nurse Ratchett gets nann response from Yung Simba, leans in, and yells again. “Where is your mommy, little boy? Are you alooooone?”
My mother barks at the basic Sanka drinking bitch,“I’m his grandmother, it’s o.k.!”
A perplexed Cruella Deville does a double take. Surely, this unassuming yt lady can’t have anything to do with this black boy in need of bland food and Jesus. She leans into my son yet again. “Come with me so I can find your mommy!”
She now GRABS MY SONS HAND, and attempts to bring him into South Station. My mother loses her shit and runs toward her to retrieve her grandson.
Ku Klux Kunt yells out, “Heeeeelp! Heeeeelp! This boy needs his mother!”
In a flash, five random men walk over to see what’s poppin, on some “Everything o.k.?” shit. Ma dukes is shook. This type of fuckery is not in the manual. At this point, my son’s 4 year old brain goes into survival mode. Don’t say shit and this will all go away.
Mrs. Dick Cheney takes control of the situation. “This woman claims she is his mother!”
As she completes her sentence, South Station rush hour pedestrian traffic stops in their tracks to join the cipher. You would have thought Grindtime was hosting a fucking Jin Vs. Blind Fury battle. 25 people are surrounding the modern day players of the Salem Witch Trials.
The Commonwealth Of Massachusettes Vs. Innocent Yt Nanna/Nubian
GawdSun Grandson.
Barry O’bama’s grandmother was doing the Harlem Shake in her grave at this particular moment.
Random people are standing between grandmother/grandchild coaxing a toddler to admit this yt lady claiming him is some Gypsy kidnapper with a poison apple in her satchel. My 67 year old mother holding bags of designer kindergarten clothes finally musters the strength to break through the crowd and pick my son up. Relieved, he hugs her as she breaks through the crowd.
At this point, my boy has to be on some “WHAT THE FUCK TYPE OF BULLSHIT WAS THAT????”
Imagine if your chillin at the supermarket with your grandma one minute…and the next, a mob surrounds you demanding the REAL Slim Shady please stand up. WTF?????
My mother makes it across the street, when she hears an authorotative townie bellow out, “Excuse me myaam, ken ai twok ta yuh?”
It’s one of these [guys].*
“What do you want from me! This is my grandson!”
“Myaam, seddle duwn, I’m just tryin tuh figyah out what duh situation is.”
“Fuck you! I have done nothing wrong! You think I don’t know why this is happening?!”
“Calm down myaam.” “If you don’t believe me, call my son!”
My mother dials me up and hands the
At this time, I’m tuned into elephanttube.com, jerking my shit to 10 dudes running a train on Asa Akira.
They’re banging her so hard, her cervix falls out! Dude rockin knee high socks and Skechers pushes all the guys away and spits his line…“Attention everybody…I’m sorry to inform you…This train is now out of Cervix!”
Just kidding – but if I was in charge of the script it woulda went down like that.
So I pick up the phone expecting to speak to mi madre, and I hear this guy.
“Hi thyeeah, this is owafissah Irish O’gillicutty wit du Bwasstin Puhlees.”
At least that’s how I heard it. My heart was now in my mouth. Why are the police calling me on my mother’s phone? Is my son ok? And I don’t know…Asa Akira’s head is kinda big as shit. Lol @ Korean big faces.
“Yes? Is everyhing ok!!!!”
“No need tuh be alaaaamd suuuuhr, I jess needta kunfuuurm a few tings.”
So as my mother and son are detained by Sully from Bridgewater State, he has me confirm everyones names and who my son is supposed to be with at the moment. He then tells them they are free to go.
The damage has been done. My 4 year old son has been subjected to interrogation, had hands put on him by strangers, and made aware that his grandmother may not be who she claims to be.
Minutes ago, these two chums for life were conducting business as usual, until the pilgrims showed up. Fucked up thing is, if it was an Asian kid with a yt mother, shit would be gravy….and hello…what yt people are out here stealing black kids? Shit, in the hood, that wouldn’t be a crime, it would be a dream come true!
This morning, my son asks, “Daddy, me and you are brown, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And mommy is brown, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Everyone in my family is brown, right?”
“No, nanna isn’t brown, and she’s in your family.”
“She’s white, right?”
“Yeah, she’s white.”
Fuckin crackers. That’s where my resentment comes from. My son didn’t ask for a lesson in why his family looks different. He was cool with the concept anybody could be related to him. His dark skinned Jamaican older brother, his Puerto Rican other brother, his Cape Verdean little sister, his Kenyan and Russian father, his white grandmother…all shit that never needed explanation because love and family summed the shit all up.
All that is thrown out the window when you’re surrounded by a bunch of Medford ass mongoloids and Officer Clancy. I don’t understand the “liberal” rep Boston has nationally. At least in the south they’re simple and honest enough to raise a confederate flag and call you nigger to your face. Here, there’s a bitch ass passive-aggressive way of doing racist shit. It’s done with paperwork, unfair housing and hiring practices…and calling a police officer to detain a grandmother carrying her grandson who is clutching to her.
Thanks for teaching my son a lesson, Boston…I’ll take over from here.
-DJ ON AND ON
*edited
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10 comments:
sully from bridgewater state!
haha, right? I think I actually knew a Sully who went to Bridgewater Stater. Then again, I assume most of us from Mass do as well.
Damn, that was pretty great.
What is a "fgts"?
for a discusison on the word "fgts" check out this thread https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10150971397649185&id=837599184
It's racism, but I think it was probably because of ultra-liberalism. They were accusing a white person, afterall.
That's kind of the point of the last paragraph, Justin.
Racism is racism is racism, and that's the problem.
Yikes. Poor family, everyone is such a bunch of assholes. What a shit head cop. ;/
I thought the last paragraph was to point out that Boston isn't actually liberal.
"what yt people are out here stealing black kids? Shit, in the hood, that wouldn’t be a crime, it would be a dream come true!"
That made me LOL.
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