|
| Boise, Idaho of bands |
Everyone still hates Nickelback. We're talking about this again this week because a nice fellow by the name of Josh Gross from the Boise Weekly in Idaho penned a humorous piece about the band to preview their date in town that week, and everyone has been sharing it all over the internet. SCOOP: NICKELBACK IS BAD. I kind of thought his preview was good fun, if not necessarily original, because god knows how soul-crushingly bleak it is trying to write arts and entertainment filler for a newspaper, and by god I mean me, another person who has had his job. But since there's nothing more I like than to yell at people about how what they think is funny isn't funny, it gives me a TIMELY NEWS HOOK to repost this old favorite about how boring making fun of Nickelback is below.
The only thing more boring, predictable, and middle of the road than Nickelback is making jokes about how boring, predictable, and middle of the road Nickelback is. No shit, you don't appreciate the popular butt-rock stylings of the one band that we've all collectively agreed is fair game to rip on despite their overwhelming success? What a refined ear-palate you must have there maestro. Did you matriculate at Juliard or Berklee? [Cross-posted at Street Carnage today]
I'm not even anywhere remotely near what you'd call a Nickelback fan, although I do like , but I am a fan of not reading the same jokes over and over and over and over and over again forever. In case you don't have a really shitty news feed like me, the story is that Nickelback were rumored to have been selected as the performers for the half time show at the NFL Thanksgiving game in Detroit between the Lions and Greenbay Packers. The petition, which you can find here, and has been signed by nearly 40,000 people at this point, reads:
This game is nationally televised, do we really want the rest of the US to associate Detroit with Nickelback? Detroit is home to so many great musicians and they chose Nickelback?!?!?! Does anyone even like Nickelback? Is this some sort of ploy to get people to leave their seats during halftime to spend money on alcoholic beverages and concessions? This is completely unfair to those of us who purchased tickets to the game. At least the people watching at home can mute their TVs. The Lions ought to think about their fans before choosing such an awful band to play at halftime.
"Also, what's the deal with people who cut you off in traffic? That really gets my goat," it probably should have added.
The only thing easier to make jokes about the Nickelback, (up until this season), was the Detroit Lions, who were the Nickelback of NFL teams, except not really if you compare record sales to winning actual games. The NFL is essentially the Nickelback of sports leagues itself anyway, and half time shows at football games are the Nickelback of music. So this is basicallyNickelback playing the Nickelback at a Nickelback game.No wonder it's so easy to make fun of.
Naturally, a lot of serious-minded music aficionados are doing a good job of explaining why this hypothetical 8-12 minute interlude in the middle of their televised, hyper-corporate athletic contest between spoiled millionaires who hate everyone in the stands is such a grave miscarriage of critical justice.
- As a professional music producer/engineer/songwriter and lifelong Lions fan, I am disgusted with the choice of Nickelback as a representation of music and culture in Detroit. Our city is famous for the creation of an entire genre, Motown, very few cities can make this claim. Not to mention very strong hip-hop, dj, and rock and roll scenes.
- I'm from Alberta, home of Nickleback, and I would like to stop them from performing anywhere else. They have been giving Canadians and Albertans a bad name since they puked out that 'How you remind me' thing way back when, and I think it is time they are stopped."
- It should be a Detroit artist!!!!!!!! We are the home of Motown, Kid Rock, Eminem, Bob Segar, Ted Nugent and the White Stripes to name a few!!!!
Everything above [sic], and LOL @ a single one of those acts being any better than anything else in the world nevermind Nickelback, who, let's not forget, as their Wiki points out "are one of the most commercially successful Canadian groups, having sold almost 50 million albums worldwide, ranking as the 11th best selling music act of the 2000s, and is the 2nd best selling foreign act in the U.S. behind The Beatles for the 2000's."
|
| because he's poor, you see? |
Admittedly, that is pretty surprising. But keep in mind, as bad as Nickelback may be, your basic person is just as predictably shitty. Nickelback are so popular for a reason, it's because we're all Nickelback ourselves. Making Nickelback jokes makes you the Nickelback of people then, and every snide jab on Twitter and Facebook is like having to sit through a never-ending half time show of hackery. Where do I sign the protest against you?
I'm just suggesting we be a little more circumspect in the things we choose to point our shit-cannons at is all. Just because something sucks doesn't mean you're required to point it out. Hey, check this joke out: "You know what I hate? Stepping in dog shit."
I was just reading a story about Mark Twain in Harper's, which I point out so you know how smart I want you to think I am. This is what he had to say about talking shit in his biography:
"This book is a not a revenge-record. When I build a fire under a person in it, I do not do it merely because of the enjoyment I get out of seeing him fry, but because he is worth the trouble. It is then a compliment, a distinction...I do not fry the small, the commonplace, the unworthy."
Mark Twain just called you boorish, and he was right.
My only regret in this whole thing is that we didn't have social media around back in the nineties. I would have loved to have seen all the amazing Hootie and the Blowfish gags you guys could've punched up.
brought to you by
18 comments:
A tour de force, sir.
Okay you Twainophile you, who's next? Can we start hurling shit-cannonballs at the absurd amount of shitty new country bands now?
imagine a life where nickleback is even on your radar enough to form a strong opinion about it? it's like having a stance on paris hilton or something.
Exactly. I don't think I've ever said a single thing about Kim Kardasian in my life. HOW ABOUT REALITY TV?! AM I RIGHT? IT SURE SUCKS!!
Rubbed 2 or 5 out to both their sex tapes though, but that doesn't count.
Why didn't they spell "NICKELBACK SUX"? Obviously they weren't concerned with grammar. Had that not been the non-theme of the article I'd be up most of the night trying to figure out why they disliked 5 cent British Knights (those used to be a sneaker thing!)
What?
SNL isn't funny anymore either.
I don't much about this Kardashian stuff other than people seem to be referencing it a lot right now. I watch so little TV that I have to ask my friends what Obama has "seemed like" since he became president.
That said, I downloaded a few episodes of celebrity apprentice and I CAN TELL YOU that I really want to fuck the fat ugly 3rd one, Khloe.
I also saw them on fox n friends (I do watch a little TV), and I CAN ALSO TELL YOU that I want to fuck the middle one too. I guess I also want to fuck Kimberly, but I haven't jerked it to either of them.
Later bro.
Thanks for sharing! Who else do other people want 2 'bang'?
Donkeys. Foster children. Your mom.
No problem.
"Anywayz" it is okay to hate them and shit on them not be ashamed of it. Fuck Mark Twain!
He doesn't know what it's like to work in an office where assholes have to have the radio on where N-back comes on every five songs.
And then you're stuck in traffic alternating back and forth between silence, and three radio stations playing the same fucking songs interspersed with a little blues traveler and counting crows.
And then you stop at the store and more goddam Nickelback.
http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/we-made-the-gayest-song-ever-made/
Oh wow man, that song in the link. Oh wow. So good.
Yeah, I dunno about your whole thing there you've got going on, but I guess I never really hear them so I don't find it worthwhile to carry around this big burden.
I appreciate a good piece of contrarianism as much as the next guy, but the the tribalism of (insert local sporting competition here) combined with the tribalism of a good old fashioned pile on is pretty hard to resist.
Also, the real sticking point for many Detroit natives seems to be that the birthplace of Motown should have something better to offer than Nickleback. I'd take a DeBarge halftime show over them any day ;)
(edited for apparent stupidity)
I think I would probably like a Nickelback fan more than anyone who cares about an NFL halftime show. I certainly dislike the author of the petition more than any Nickelback fan because he implies watching the halftime show is preferable to taking a leak, getting another brewdog or some nachos, gunning a butt, or any other hundreds of things that can better occupy one’s time than actually paying attention to the halftime show. In fact, if you’re at the game, watching Nickelback videos on YouTube on your phone is probably a more respectable endeavor during halftime if you’re not into that other normal shit.
Haha, very true. ^ There are very few things I can think of that I would like to watch less than an NFL halftime show, the platonic ideal of the cross-demo, bland crowd-pleaser that ultimately pleases no one.
Post a Comment