How's that old saying go? "No one ever went bankrupt underestimating the gullibility of the American consumer"? There's a lesser known corollary to that nugget of wisdom, however, which goes a little something like this: "These companies think we're fucking retards, and they're right."
Consider, if you will, this new product here:
It's Town House's new TOPPERS cracker. "The cracker built for topping!" The cracker has a ridge, which you can see here if you'll look closely. The purpose of the ridge is so that, I don't know, you don't slop cheese all over your tits when waving your flippers toward your cracker hole?
How uncoordinated are we supposed to be in the eyes of these fat cats over at Town House? It's basically a cracker with training wheels. I have no idea who this is designed for. Hubris-empowered cracker dippers so drunk on their own cheese architecture ambitions that they flew too close to the sun and got burned one too many times? Blind peperoni enthusiasts? Racist black gay dudes in the seventies? (Think about it for a minute.)
My merry band of Christmas douchebags were perplexed. See the rest after the thing.
So where does this knife of shit go again?
Crackers, man? How do they work?
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6 comments:
It's 'Fucking crackers, how do they work/ Fucking scientists, make my head hurt.'
every family gathering is a show. also, deviled eggs. also, plastic cutlery inside a home.
Zoof. True. Deviled eggs are on the list. Cleaning up for hours after your ingrate kids wreck the joint is too though.
WHEAT things are still the perfect cracker structure.
Err, Wheat Thins, I mean.
This is clearly Town House trying to recapture the market share lost to Tostito scoops.
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