Monday, December 20, 2010

This right here, this is the true meaning of Christmas

yonder star, like a sick diamond for your grill piece

I don't remember what Christmas was supposed to mean when it was first invented because I stopped going to bible classes around age 14 when they wouldn't let me wear an earring. True story. Sad but true. If I've picked up anything in the intervening years since that formative moment in my spiritual and fashion development, I can surmise a thing or two about its real meaning, which is the following: blinged out motherfucking trees of gold and diamonds put up by Muslims. Like this one


"It is the 'most expensive Christmas tree ever,' with a 'value of over 11 million dollars,' said Hans Olbertz, general manager of Emirates Palace hotel." via 
More details all up in over there --->



This hotel, which calls itself a seven star hotel -- that's right, it's so opulent they had to tack extra stars onto that shit -- has a gold ATM machine in the lobby. For people who need their gold fast and don't want to go through the hassle of dealing with the gold teller at the gold withdrawal window I guess. There are one week packages available there that go for as little as one million dollars. If you check in through Expedia on a promotional rate you can probably knock like $50,000 of that though.  


Fox News, whose news harpies of doom somehow didn't explode with be-mini-skirted anger over this thing, reports that the hotel is starting to realize they might have gone a little overboard with the whole celebrating the birth of the false prophet with a literal tower of jewels. 

But the hotel management apparently had second thoughts after questions arose about whether the opulent tree was innocent good cheer or unfortunate bad taste.
The hotel regrets "attempts to overload the tradition followed by most hotels in the country with meanings and connotations that do not fall in line with the (hotel's) professional standards," said a statement carried on the state-run news agency WAM.
The UAE is a Muslim country, but they have Christmas decorations up all over the place, which is probably awkward during the call to prayer. Good for them.  I think the fact that the comic book sheik villains who run this science fiction desert planet paradise have somehow been able to put all of our differences in religion aside is great, so now we can all  focus on the one thing that really matters around this time of year: writing self satisfied essays about how Christmas is all about money.

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Posted by Luke O'Neil at 10:16 AM
Labels: barackhusseinobamasoloperto the secret muslim from kenya who also attended a radical christian church even though he's muslim, yonder star

2 comments:

Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan said...

mmmm... dessert planet

December 20, 2010 7:11 PM
said...

Ha. Woopppssss. I see what I did there.

December 20, 2010 8:27 PM

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