That's it, I'm calling it. We've had a good run. See you guys at the exit interview in space or whatever happens when you die, because I just blew my brains out and my corpse is typing this out of muscle memory.
This is from a while back, but you'll have to forgive me, I've fallen a little behind on my child-based grooming trends reading. Haven't we all though? I've got a pile of unread Exfoliating for Tweens on my night stand next to like seven years worth of Harper's back issues.
Via this one librarian broad I know, via Gothamist, via six months ago comes this vein-burster:
MSNBC has a long trend-piece about how increasingly younger girls are getting bikini waxing. How young? Well, Wanda Stawczyk, who runs Wanda's European Skin Care on West 57th Street, offers discounts for clients as young as 8, and she says pre-teen business is booming, telling the Post that "in 10 years waxing children will be like taking them to the dentist or putting braces on their teeth." Her company’s website says it all:
WAITWHATTHEFUCK?
"Virgin-waxing for children 8 years old and up who have never shaved before. Virgin hair can be waxed so successfully that growth can be permanently stopped in just 2 to 6 sessions. Save your child a lifetime of waxing... and put the money in the bank for her college education instead...
Oh. Well, if it's for college, I guess it's cool then. I support education and all. I'm kind of a feminist in a lot of ways, you might even say. Equal stuff for, uh... Anyway I'd post the rest of the piece, but I don't want the feds coming back to check on me.*
Also, isn't this kind of a paradox? In order for someone to have pubes, you sort of have to have gone through pube-erty, right? That's how the whole thing got its name if I'm remembering my teenage science correctly. My pubey teenage science. What is it they're waxing off here exactly? Besides the lingering follicles of my fuzzy respect for American culture?
*The joke there is that I'm a pervert, you see? Who's been in trouble with the law previously. Because that's a blog humor staple for some reason.
*The joke there is that I'm a pervert, you see? Who's been in trouble with the law previously. Because that's a blog humor staple for some reason.
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14 comments:
That's so gross. I can't believe she threw college in there as if to exonerate the disgusting Lolita-esque nature of her employment. Proof that America has hit the deep end in terms of preserving youth. Way to help girls feel less ashamed about their bodies, too! I'm all for a good wax, but age 8??? -Suzybuzz
Yeah, it's cool. It's learning based children's-invisible-pube-removal. It checks out.
"Virgin hair can be waxed so successfully that growth can be permanently stopped in just 2 to 6 sessions. "
Should have done this with my back
No shit, right? Think I dislocated my shoulder waving a sideways bic toward the meat of my middle spine trying to catch a wayward swatch of ape hair last time I attemped shaving it.
Hoof
No, it was my back. WOCKA. Etc.
now, that's a fucking banner right there.
I honestly appreciate your concern for the banner old buddy. That is probably the best one yet. Can't wait till the photographer who took the shot gets salty about me using it.
A couple I know is Greek and Italian. You can bet your ass their daughter is going to have massive bush by the time she's five.
Cancel my appointments darling, we've got a live one. Yes, Wanda.
Once a month I spend 25 harrowing minutes tearing hair out at the root with a high speed electronic tweezing device designed by the makers of "Saw IV". If I could go back in time to wax my 8 year old self because it would spare me a small fortune and hours of misery in waxing shaving and epilating for the rest of my life, I would wax the shit out of that bitch.
I can't think of any way I can comment on that without being a pervert.
MMmffs. Greeks and Italians, am I right? Mmmmf
woaaaaah, brazilian waxing isn't supposed to be for 8 years old nor a mother would recommend to her young daughter to use. goodness! their skin are too sensitive for a wax. this is soo barbaric! T_T
yeah, the whole thing blows my mind.
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