Sorry I haven't posted anything in a day or so YOU GUYS. I've been out in the world living a fabulous life bullshitting with people I sort of know at clubs for like thirty seconds before they get sick of my rap and move on to the next person. I'll try to make everyone jealous about it with blurry party photos of me holding a cocktail awkwardly at some point soon. Meanwhile, I wanted to share this email I just got.
As a member of the elite liberal media I get some crazy shit in my box every day, but this might be the single most effective bit of marketing I've ever seen, as it concerns actual shit in actual boxes. Or the lack thereof, actually. See you on the other side if you still have brain function afterward.
Story Idea: Potty Train Your Cat Like the Famous Mr. Jinx
Hi Luke,
Mr. Jinx became the famous potty trained cat in the comedy Meet the Parents and with the next installment of the movie releasing next month-- people will be talking about him once again. If you write an article about the new movie I hope you'll also mention to your readers that they too can train their own cat to be like that famous feline! Litter Kwitter is a 3-step cat toilet training system that is training cats all over the world elminating the annoying litter box. Please take a moment to read the information below about this unique and quirky product and check out the demo link to see it in uh-hum...action. I have some great high-res images to share and could send you a product sample if you're interested. Thank you for considering and I'll follow up with you soon!Pawsitively Yours,
XXXXX
Remind you of anything?
On the one hand, it would be kind of nice to not go have to hang out at my friends' apartments without sitting next piles of perfumed feces, but on the other hand, I've seen enough movies about what happens when we train animals to do people stuff, like wear hats, and box, and it usually doesn't turn out well.
So to recap:
1 Having a cat.
2 Keeping its shit in your kitchen.
3 Finally deciding you want to do something about it.
4 Dreaming up an idea.
5 Getting a business plan together.
6 Finding backing for your startup.
7 Hiring a marketing team.
8 Coming up with the angle for the pitch.
9 Sending it out to me.
10 ???
11 Probably making a million goddamn dollars.
We played, cat lady. Well played.
So to recap:
1 Having a cat.
2 Keeping its shit in your kitchen.
3 Finally deciding you want to do something about it.
4 Dreaming up an idea.
5 Getting a business plan together.
6 Finding backing for your startup.
7 Hiring a marketing team.
8 Coming up with the angle for the pitch.
9 Sending it out to me.
10 ???
11 Probably making a million goddamn dollars.
We played, cat lady. Well played.
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6 comments:
Does your cat shit in a box? YOU ARE SO STUPID.
fuck you, this is my dream.
cats shitting in boxes is now on the list.
"Cats" in general pretty much covers it I think.
Kitten Shittens
If my cats shat in the toilet it would make my life considerably easier. It would stop the dog from sticking his head in the litterbox for a start.
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