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Aside from being a solid bro and all around good guy to give a high five too, Evan Kenney plays in a band called Bodega Girls. He thinks bands should fight with each other more these days. Here's why:
Hey, remember hip-hop beefs? Of course you don’t. You are too busy shoveling out $30 for a ticket to a band that sounds like The Lemonheads when The Lemonheads are playing down the street for $7. But I digress, this article is not about my distaste for the 90’s revival, this is about beefs.
Usually, after I have had about four to seven Brandy Alexander’s at the local American Legion, I come home and try and start beefs with bands on Twitter. The art of “the beef” is lost on us Caucasians. Being a honky-ass-cracker, my beefs involve dissing band names and comparing their records to romantic comedies starring Jennifer Anniston, rather than being about banging their girlfriends or stealing money from Damon Dash. White people peaked with the Axel Rose vs. Vince Neil beef back in 19something something, but those two chodes didn’t even end up fighting, so that was a pretty fruitless beef.
So the other day, I was getting gnarly on a great little website called RCRD LBL, one of my favorite sites next to . RCRD LBL is always on top of their shit, but yesterday they released a featured MP3 from a band called TheHistory of Apple Pie. I lost it. Why in the hell would someone think that is good name for a band? I decided that white people have gone too far. This is obviously a troupe of kids who have narrowly avoided a proper ass-kicking for their entire lives. I didn’t even have the strength to listen to their music, they could have well been the next Fugazi, but I just couldn’t get past that shitty, shitty name. So I decided to air my distaste of their moniker on Twitter, because that is what white people do, voice their issues from behind a wall of ominous social media. Here is what I tweeted:
“There is a band called "The History Of Apple Pie". I hope they kick their own asses before someone else does.”
Within minutes, I received an irate email from somebody representing “THOAP.” They ripped into me, and instructed me to perform an act of fornication into myself. After a brief “LULZ” session, I said to myself “That a boy, THOAP…get that blood pumpin’…let’s beef!"
My response was to instruct them to “eat my fuck," then I linked a photo to a young man whose face was covered in huge tumors, alerting them that this is the image that their band name evokes. Now, we are beefing! This is beautiful. We are being useless, catty, but we are doing SOMETHING to spark something. Music needs this.
This just brings me to a larger point, something got lost along the way where young music lost humor, provocation and danger that was beautified with punk rock and hip-hop. We need to bring back the feeling of it all. Things like beefs get people riled up and ignite the spark of someone being a star, not just some dude who happens to write a couple of good boner jams that the blogosphere is crapping in their chino’s over. My dream would be for “beefs”, however silly and useless, to make a triumphant return to music.
My other point is to not name your band something that your parents would think is “cute”, because, in the end, a girl would rather give a hand job to someone in a band called “Black Sabbath” than “The Pains of Being Pure at Heart”. Seriously.
--EVAN KENNEY
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21 comments:
Kind of feel like this won't get resolved until someone gets wetted.
As a white person who has had the opportunity to both win and lose street fights, I heartily agree that more white kids could use the character-building experience of a proper ass kicking.
Sometimes winning one is almost worse though isn't it?
One look at the THOAP band photo only strengthens this argument: http://rcrdlbl.com/2011/05/10/premiere_the_history_of_apple_pie_tug
This kind of sounds like something I'd be into actually. TEAM APPLE PIE.
Does this mean its open season on beef-starting with Bodega Girls? Because they sound like B-sides from "Kidz Bop does LCD Soundsystem".
Hawooooof! I love the BGz, but I like where you're coming from too bro. Let it flow.
What kind of name is Mark? That's the best you got? -Bodega Girls (Kidz Bop Enthusiasts)
Yeah, you kind of have to do it under your real band or full name for it to work.
Whoops, thought the google account would link. http://www.facebook.com/mark.desrosiers
I have a say a TBH/BGz feud would be one of the most nonsensical things ever. It'd be less East Coast/West Coast, and more East Coast/Wales.
I dig TBH too, BUT ARE YOU GONNA LET THOSE EMOFGTZ TALK LIKE THAT EVAN?
lmfao, after the groupies article on SC and the interview with the moderately successful rock star, this was my exact reaction. fuck rules about not talking shit to other bands. Talk mad shit...it makes listening to music more fun
Hahhah More like "This Blew Heaven". Nice music video by the way, was the sad old guy from Metallica's "The Unforgiven" video not available that day? BOOM. Now you go!
Hey, why does your link send me to your girlfriends' work?
Haha! Not bad. Not bad at all.
Ah, shit, I was assuming his link went to the Bodega Girls page. That would've been funnier.
stop thinking up names and start learning to play. you know, like, instruments? as opposed to laptops and shit.
Oh hey, sorry. Fell asleep whilst listening to your jams...jeez, how long was I out for?
Anyway, I see that the director of your music video is Christopher Gaines, makes sense that you are working with Garth Brook's rock alter-ego on this one. You guys have a similar sound.
You are right, we SHOULD learn to play instruments, thank you...wait...oh sorry, though I was talk to Led Zeppelin...it's just you guys.
PS Don't diss Bangbus, they have nothing to do with this. They make quality work and are hard working dudes who have sex with women who need rides home.
First band to actually get offended loses.
@rodrigo Oh, so this Rod Stewart-ass motherfucker wants some too?
Nice, as if we hadn't heard the Garth Brooks one before. Real original. Just like your "music."
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