Ever imagine falling into a bottomless pit? Would you die from a heart attack at some point, or would you just keep falling and falling and screaming and screaming until you died of thirst after a couple days? I think about that a lot.
Speaking of giant holes, it looks like this musical pit of despair we've been digging ourselves lately goes down a few levels further than we thought. Every day some fresh new horror comes our way, slithering up from the abyss, unfurling its voracious thousand-jawed tentacles to carry us off to a frigid, eternal doom. Like this video from Courtney Stodden, newly crowned turd princess of the internet hinterlands.
Sergeant D over at Stuff You Will Hate writes:
Sergeant D over at Stuff You Will Hate writes:
In case you haven’t heard, this is the 16 year-old girl who married some 50 year-old dude from Lost. In this video, she’s all “Ur man is checking me out, u mad?? Don’t h8 on me bc he wants it, mb u should check urself first!!” This video has been making the rounds on all your favorite blogs about funny internet videos and they’ve probably already made fun of all the obvious parts, so I will just add that my favorite bit is at the very end where it shows her contact info, and her manager has an @comcast.net email address.
Video and weird photos after the jump
My favorite part is how she holds onto that giant glass the entire time like a fat man clutching at the handlebars in the disabled shitter when he's trying to force one out. And how she's on a boat, which means she's trying to signify wealth and luxury, but it's docked in what looks like a backwoods swamp.
Set aside any concerns about the quality of the song for a second, which sounds a lot like what the producers and the artist here probably said before getting the tape rolling, and let's talk about the fact that this woman caused a bit of a controversy when she married Doug Hutchison, aka Horace Goodspeed, one of the Dharma dorks from Lost, who happens to be...um...51-16=35... 35 years her senior.
So far so weird, but wait, are we really supposed to believe this woman is 16 years old?
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| Photos via her website. |
Those photos look like they were taken out of a Hustler in 1991, and she wouldn't even have passed for 16 back then either. What's going on here?
Oh wait a minute. Wait just a second. Isn't 16 one of the cursed numbers?
LOST
Oh Jesus, this whole thing has to be fake, right?
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14 comments:
I'm going to record my own version of "Don't Put it On Me" but it's going to be about a 51-year-old guy's penis
WOooof...
Then again, as the future owner of a 51 year old dick (if I'm lucky) that's kind of depressing too.
are you calling me a dog or just shape-shifting in the moonlight?
Werewolves are ghey.
she's an "inspiring actress".
Right? That line is kind of what made me think it was an act.
I guess what I'm not understanding is the whole 'stationary boat in a swamp' thing.
Good to know in a way that while a small part on Lost may not buy you a nice boat to dock in a nice harbor, it can at least still by you a giant set of fake teenage tits. If we're being honest, what's more valuable in the end there?
Ha, that whole boat thing.
I analyzed the shit in the background of this video like it actually was an episode of Lost. WHY IS THE DOGS HAIR PINK?
I think that dog's hair is fake.
Fucking dog has fucking papers.
i like that she put on a hoodie for the hard and serious part of the "song"
tits distract from the emotion.
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