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Rochelle Price, via Deseret News
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Evan Kenney, who you'll remember from PTSOTL gems like Where's the beef? White people bands need to fight more, be less shitty, and jamming the party in your face and pants in the Bodega Girls, has a new hero. And now you do to.
I’ve been to Salt Lake City, Utah and besides that one time that I completely annihilated a dynamite roast beef sandwich at an Arby’s right off of highway 215, it is safe to say that nothing cool ever happens there, unless you count the fact that it was once home to Karl “The Mailman” Malone of the Utah Jazz, which you do. It’s pretty ironic that Utah would have a team named after a type of music created by black people, when, in fact, said “Mailman” was the only brotha in the entire state, but I digress.
Today I found out that there is actually something else that is really cool in Salt Lake City: Embarrassing the fuck out of your kid. A one-legged, completely hilarious father made a daily habit of dressing in a different costume every school-day morning and waving to all the kids in the bus as his son left for school. Everything from Harry Potter to creepy clowns, he never missed a day of sporting a zany outfit on the front steps. His name is Dale Price and he is a hero.
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Rochelle Price, via Deseret News
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When the high school's bus routes changed this year, 16-year-old Rain Price soon found out he'd be going right past his house every single morning. Much to his chagrin, he also found out his dad would be standing outside, waving.
"When he did it the first day, I was in shock," Rain said. "It's my first day of my sophomore year."
The embarrassment was a thrill for his father.
The second day of school, there he was again, only this time Price was wearing a San Diego Chargers helmet and jersey. Day three, it was an Anakin Skywalker helmet, and the next day, swim trunks and a snorkel mask. Deseret News
Mr. Price brought back the lost art of making a teenager’s life a living hell, and it was all in good fun. There really aren't a lot of things funnier than seeing an overweight, one-legged Latino (I think probably) in a mermaid costume at 7:30 in the am. His son, who will most likely develop a severe drinking problem and will necessitate years of shock therapy to erase these terrifying and destructive images from his brain, seems to be, for now, a pretty good sport about it. Good for him. Good for families everywhere!
And never did his dad use the same character more than once. Several props aided interpretation as well. Like the day he hauled a porcelain toilet onto the porch. One of the days he was sick, so a cardboard cut-out of a Lord of the Rings character stood outside in his place.
That right there is dedication. This reminds me of how my father used to playfully embarrass me each day before school, but instead of dressing in funny costumes and waving at my friends, he would whip me with a belt in front of the school and call me a pussy. See guys??? Funny right? Hahhahahahhaha. *Takes shot of whiskey*
--EVAN KENNEY
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