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| Internet K-Hole |
It's only Monday, or whatever day it is in the real world, and I thought I'd already been annoyed by everything on the internet channels, but that's why the internet exists, to touch us when we least expect it. Here's this story from the Boston Globe today about a couple of fucking assholes. Assholes just like you probably! Let's see how, shall we?
Alexandra Roberts and Danny Robert have lived together for three years. They’re getting married Aug. 28, and their small Charlestown apartment has all the furnishings, bedding, and appliances they need. So instead of a toaster or Crock-Pot, they’re asking friends, via an online gift registry, to help pay for their honeymoon in Alaska and Banff.
With a few clicks of a mouse, their wedding guests can choose from a number of gifts, including a Bike & Brew tour ($100 apiece for bride and groom), a one-night stay at Lake Louise ($300), a Banff gondola ride ($30 apiece), and a champagne service ($20 per night).“We don’t currently have a honeymoon, but we already have a kitchen,’’ says Robert, 27, a software developer.
His fiancée, a 28-year-old wedding photographer, adds: “It sounds cheesy, but for us, things are not as important as experiences are.’’
In other words, "Thanks for coming to celebrate our love together with us and all our friends. Now fuck you, pay me."
Apparently this is a thing now because we've all been living in sin for so long, accumulating microwaves and couches to fart on all the time next to each other, so we are all set with your cute little gifts. That said, don't think that just because we're good with the starting a life together basics over here already that means we're gonna let you get out of this experience without cashing in on your gullibility about fairy tale princesses. You're still on the hook, dead beat, so pay up.
"Manners maven Peter Post, director of the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt., says the online honeymoon requests are good for both donor and receiver," because it lessens the interaction time you have to actually spend taking part in this silly charade, he didn't add.
“In some ways,’’ Post says, “it makes giving a little bit easier in that you know you’re giving something they’d really like to have, and not just another vase that’s going to sit in a cupboard somewhere. Or just, ‘Here’s some cash, because I don’t know what else to give you.’" Instead it's just some cash because I don't know what else to give you, but sent through the internet. That's barely even the same thing.
You know where I'm registering for my impending nuptials? At the peace and fucking quiet store. You can contribute by not busting my balls about the whole damn thing.
Or how about this idea for a gift: A gorgeous crystal piggy bank, so you can save up some money to buy your own stupid shit.
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5 comments:
Weddings are pretty gay when you think about it.
I don't think you even really need to think about it first.
i'm thinking about it.
everyone stop thinking so much.
One day you'll put a ring on that school teacher's finger, O'Neil. That's what I'm thinking.
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