Yeah, this diagram from my internet homeboy Tyler Littwin is pretty much how being a self-hating sports fan works. You scream, and squeal, and pout, and curse, and punch the couch, and storm around the room, and go smoke 50 nervous cigarettes, and drink too much, and eat buckets full of fried bullshit, and then stand up real fast, then sort of slouch down in dejection, then high-five people who aren't there, or maybe people who are there, then skip around a little bit, then get depressed again, then get depressed about getting depressed about something so irrelevant, then giggle like a retarded school girl who just smoked way too much pot, then text your friends stupid one word exclamations, then think about your priorities in life real long and hard, then yell so loud in excitement you wake up your sleeping missus, all in support of a group of tree-man ass-bros that you'd avoid like they had herpes lasers shooting out of their eyes and dicks, which they probably do, if you ever were so unlucky to actually come across one in the wild, all of which I did last night when the Patriots beat the Jets, the gloriously hatable Jets, minus the running into one of them part, thank god.
brought to you by
11 comments:
The whole "getting depressed about getting depressed about something so irrelevant and thinking about your priorities in life real long and hard" accelerates when said Jets can't even complete a 15 yard pass and fail to kill two small white guys who tore us up for the entire fuck game. Bitterness abounds
Weird, because I had the exact opposite reaction to the scenario you just described.
I would totally hang out with Edelman. Seems like my kinda guy.
Here's our boy right here with his tits out posing with his brothers, who also have their tits out.
http://ow.ly/i/lh8W
Snatch-grabber?
I thought he seemed cool, relatively speaking, before that. Same with Woodhead.
Because they're white.
Where did that Tebow post go!?
Getcha swole on, O'Neil! Gronk could use a third bro to mean mug dat camera.
Because they're white. Indeed.
Wait a minute. You, the white Pats, and a twelver of Dr. Pepper Ten! Goddamn that would be the shit.
That sounds like a fucking party broski.
Post a Comment