| those ducks are eating that dude's ass. lol. just kidding, it's only Winkers! |
For years now I've been wondering how I can get people to look at my disgustingly fat American ass flaps as I chunk down the streets of suburbia. Now I know: paint duck mouths onto either cheek that look like they're quacking open and shut with every cheek wriggle of cellulite. What's the story behind this innovation? The company's website, as well-designed as their wares, explains:
Winkers is a privately owned business that specializes in decorating pants, usually jeans. We decorate pants in such a manner that they WINK as you walk. Your WINK is the crease between your buttock and the top of your leg.
Oh. Greatest invention ever? Hard to say for sure, but let's go with yes anyway. Plus, this is probably fake. It has to be, right? Actually, I don't know if that makes it better or worse if it is. On the plus side, it's nice to see us recycling one of our most abundant resources and putting it back into the market: ranch dressing-fueled ass meat.
Keep this in mind before you order yours:
Jeans or tight fitting pants work best for Winkers®designs. Baggy pants do not “wink” at all if the leg is too loose fitting and hangs from the widest part of the buttocks.
for example, many slacks and overalls do not “wink” because they are too loose.
Wink at a car driving past.
Or, Wink at anyone you pass.
Wink at everyone following you.
Or, Wink at anyone you pass.
Wink at everyone following you.
No one is following you.
ACTION!
Start a show
Where ever you go
Start a show
Where ever you go
Mission accomplished there.
brought to you by
2 comments:
Should create a pair called 'beefers'
What is that? Like two hamburgers with mouths that seem like they're perpetually about to eat eachother but never quite make it? That's a metaphor for something.
Post a Comment