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| I can't even see her butthole from here dude. |
I went to the doctor today. *pulls on white velcro high tops* and she poked her finger in my, how do I say this politely, butthole. Then I went to review the Ke$ha show. NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE RIGHT?
If I can be serious for a minute though, you know how you can tell when you're a handsome dude? When your doctor is fucking around with your dirty ass and squeezing your gross balls and she still wants to flirt with you the whole time. What can I say? I got the rectal charisma.
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| space pussy, y'all |
This contraption was like a sort of cross between a Transformer and an illuminated airport runway vagina.
Say what you will about Ke$ha, but her be-mohawked keytar players are the best in the biz.
I went to this show planning on taking tons of pictures of all the fashion disasters there, then I realized pretty quickly that they were all like 13, so I felt a little sheepish pointing my old camera dick around.
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| It's not 40 degrees and raining if you're drunk. |
Then I did it anyway.
In this shot I didn't intend to focus on the girl in the middle there, I was just trying to get the crowd coming out, but it's inadvertently poignant. See how everything else around the edges is all blurry and unimportant in the line of sight? That's what happens when a slutty looking chick walks down the street in short shorts. I call this bro-vision. Captured here for the first time ever in the wild.
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| Sick cargo shorts, broz. |
I'm an adult.
Best night these bucket hammers have had in a while.
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| That's my beat they playing. |
| ...meanwhile |
You know your doctor's office is in a good neighborhood when it's next to the place where they tow your car.
Or near whatever the fuck this scenario is over here.
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| bus goggles |
The good thing about being a shitty photographer is that when you go home and look at the pictures you took when you were drunk it's exactly like you remember the scene.
Not that this should necessarily be indicative of anything, but the existence of this poster will give you a pretty good idea of the type of doctor's office I go to.
My man in the ball cap here coming out of the Sox game didn't know what hit him. Fuuuckk is this mess?
That's where the most embarassing team of shit bums in baseball right now goes to suck shit.
We get it dudes, you're a big bank. You don't have to be dicks about the whole thing.
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9 comments:
"I got the rectal charisma." O'Neil, with that statement you've become a literary genius. I try to drop nuggets of wisdom your way via comments but this blew me away. I think you just won your own T-shirt contest.
Thank you sir or madame. Dropping nuggets, heh heh.
Damn, alot a gems in this post...anytime suburban tweens come into town, its like a free-for-all for crappy amateur comedians such as myself haha
earplugs bit didn't make the cut. eh probably works for bodega girls in 6 months
Zoof. But yeah, this isn't the official review I was talking about btw. Not sure I can talk about buttholes in the paper.
should i start buying more hot pants?
I wouldn't complain!
I honestly and unironically wanted to go this Ke$ha show but I totally forgot about it. You should have been at the Crystal Castles show at the House of Blues a few weeks ago. Lots of sexy, sloppy teen sluts in interesting outfits.
Nice photos of Slumerville miserabilism.
Bro, I was at that show!
https://putthatshitonthelist.com/2011/03/xxare-crystal-castles-punk-as-ballzxx.html
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