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Hashtag humor is a lot like watching other people fucking. It's embarrassing and a little shameful, but eventually you just have to pull your dick out and see what happens, like in this awesome new Twitter joke I just annoyed all my followers with for a couple hours.
Sometimes I feel like if I tried a little harder I'd be able to transport more objects inside my woven cotton stomach
Yeah I can summon up a reasonable volume of stomach bile and throaty mucus when I need to, but I can't hang with the big boys yet
I got a pretty good testicle flop going, but it's not like I'm gonna get any awards for it. Not yet.
I'm gonna be honest with you bro, you can smoke me, but you're not gonna get that fucked up.
I've always thought zig deserved most of the credit for our collective output.
On Photography was some game-changing shit, but then again, I'm dead, so who's doing the chronic voyeuristic relation now?
Way too many more after the jump.
I make it easy to find out what topics a lot of people are talking about online, but I didn't exactly reinvent the wheel did I?
Those pictures of me with my tits out in Ibiza with my footballer husband could have looked a little better.
Sure, I'll suck a dick in the bogs at a dive bar for a bump of cheese, but I'm not gonna pat myself on the back for it.
I've partied my balls off with like 2 or 3 different gay dudes in my day.
It was a decent run of adventure/legal drama episodes over our ten years on air. Maybe we could have done more though?
Sure come visit if you like, but I hear the Reichsratsgebäude in Austria is a beautiful building as well.
I kind of feel like we're somewhere in the top 5 or 7 international patent cooperation treaties. Top 10 anyway
You could get like two good steeps out of me, but I wouldn't push it much further that that.
We're the most populous city in Kyūshū. We've got, like, tons of green space for a metro area. What else? Good malls I guess
I don't even know what the fuck I mean, but I'm a pretty funny Croatian word I suppose, and that's all that matters.
We murdered motherfuckers up pretty good, but the Germans? Come on, amirite?
Murdering my superior officer with a fucking grenade probably wasn't the best thing I did all day.
Might not be enough room in here to hold all those sea-faring criminals, but alright, let's give it a shot.
I always thought it would be harder for dudes to climb over my rocky face, but maybe I'm just no ready for the big time yet.
Couple more from others:
Babe, you should really do the dishes, because you're so much better than I at scrubbing the grease off those pans.
I mean, yeah, I guess skulls are sort of popular right now. I#humblePirateFlag
"totez love freeze dried prawns and david's billboards but i'm a girl of simple tastes. furreal" - mrs. beckham
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11 comments:
@DJeanMustard
when it's my time of the month, i barely feel a thing... #humblerag
@AntichristFox I mean, yeah, I guess I'm "officially" a twelve-point, but come on, at least four of those are barely bumps. #humblestag
@DJeanMustard
there was 2 of them, 'bout 50 metres out, fully dressed in camo and neither one could hit me #humblestag
"a couple hours"
all fucking day
I'll have to go back and recheck the math.
i just joined in. fuck.
"Sure, I've sucked a lot of dicks, but I'm not, like, Elton John." #humblefag
/low hanging fruit
@DCMP TOGTFO (tweet it at me or get the fuck out)
@Justin that was the first one I thought of, but wavered.
i fuckin did
..consumed by a hell furnace of localized lust for every passing nymphet whom as a lawabiding poltroon I never dared approach #Humbertbrag
THAT ONE WAS GENIUS LUKE NICE JOB
-LUKE
OMG FUCKING MIDTERMS.
i haven't read PTSOTL in almost (ALMOST) two weeks.
missed reading your lil bloggy blog.
Ps. SPRING BREAK IS HERE BITCH.
I have an entire 10 days to catch up on all the words, sentences, and paragraphs I missed.
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