Grumpy old white rapper Mint E. Fresh isn't too happy about this Nas cameo on the new Beastie Boys album, which is surprising to me, because who knew the Beastie Boys still existed? Here's his beef (that's rap talk).
The new Beastie Boys album called Hot Sauce Committee Part 2 is out and here’s the review: great. I was fully prepared to loathe this new album though, after hearing "Too Many Rappers" (on which the rapping emcee Nas make a cameo) but it's legit dope (as opposed to nostalgia-dope), which means “good” in wiggerese. For the first time since Ill Communication – which is inferior to this new joint, and which was a Beastie Boys album from the 90s and that’s all I’m explaining to you youngsters, you have Wikipedia and whatnot look it up – our gents have released an album that is bugged out rather than phoned in. Yay that makes me happy because I am old and white. Beats are fresh the whole way through and there are a shitload of dope routines. The whole album sounds fresh and inspired (except for Nas). My only complaint is that the album is not entirely free of wack rhymes or filler rhymes but they are surprisingly few and far between especially compared to the last couple albums, in which the wack filler rhymes were many and close between. Wait I do have another complaint, which I’ve already made, and that’s the wack cameo by Nas.
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Come on, Nasir bin Olu Dara Jones. Don’t let your ridiculous real name get you down and start blowing cameos, kid (Nas is, predictably, a Luke O’Neil fanboy so I am speaking to him directly). Never really liked Nas (now I am speaking to the readers of this blog that aren’t Nas), and thought all the talk about him being arguable GOAT material (meaning that he is made out of goat-meat) was ridiculous (nobody is made out of goat-meat except for goats), but that has nothing to do with this.
I would have been glad to have been pleasantly surprised (I was impressed Nas was down with the Beasties at all, being that he is black and respected in the rappity rap community, and being that the Beastie Boys are elderly Jackie Mason types who probably talk with their mouths full of tunafish sandwiches all the time), but what is he (Nas) talking about on these raps? Carte blanche, vagabond, narcissus? His pockets are rotund? He is a rotund-pocketed vagabond, which is to say a very wealthy hobo? Okay Nas put away your thesaurus kid or at least use it in conjunction with a regular dictionary.
Although to be fair it’s not just Nas, the filthy rich homeless bum, that stinks up "Too Many Rappers." The chorus is all off-beat and awkward and the Beastie raps are kind of wack as well. It’s just bad all around, but the worst is that Nas is in a Beastie Boys song calling out people for NOT shooting other black people and for NOT selling black people crack. That's more jarringly out of place than Q-Tip dropping "nigga" all over the place on his "Get It Together" cameo back in the 90s, before all of you people were born. Plus how about not bringing your leftovers, Nas. Seriously you’re using this guest spot to tell us again that you’re a big fan of wealth and NOT a big fan of snitches? I already know that about you, and I don’t even listen to you. What a waste of a cameo. Nas you grew up in Queens listening to Run DMC and all that mint shit, why not fuck around and have fun and do some shit you DON'T do on every single one of your own songs already, and that's not jarringly out of place. It's not like any black people are going to hear it and ruin your image for fucks sake–- it’s a Beastie Boys album.
This cameo issue is not a new problem for these fellows, I’m afraid. Apart from Biz Markie, Beastie collabos w/non Juice Crew emcees have never gone so swimmingly. The aforementioned Q Tip cameo on Ill Communication being a case in point. Compared to anything else he did before that it seems like not even a rap. It sounds like a jokey answering machine message he left them (there used to be machines for that). Q Tip sounds like he got stoned, like I am right now, and got stoned in the studio and freestyled and started a few times, and got through a handful of lines each time before cracking up or whatever and they (Beasties) took those rap-fragments and wrote around them. Although that was a much bigger letdown than this Nas mess. After all Q Tip’s rhymes on those first three Tribe albums I remember finding out the next Beastie LP was gonna have a collabo w/Tip (as I call him), and I literally knocked the roof off my house blasting cumbombs of joy. But instead of Steve Biko meets Car Thief we got that rhyme with Q Tip scrambling for a word that rhymes with "on" and has to say "let me spawn". *FART NOISE* Anyway I was let down but did I say fuck it and stick my head in a beartrap and beartrap myself to death? No, I made the best of a bad situation like that time I stole a chainsaw and tried to trade it for coke but they only wanted car stereos so instead of sulking all night we paid for the coke and then stole a bunch of hockey sticks and cut them in half. In other words, four out of five stars and best LP since Check Your Head for these fellows.
- MINT E. FRESH
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5 comments:
Jackie Mason eating a tuna fish sandwich!
Is that jackie mason or the dude from human centipede?
Hoof. I'm not sure now that you mention it.
riiiiiiiiiiide
4
my
ciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitay
Pretty fucking funny, duuuuuuuuude.
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