|
| via |
My man Leo Crowley got his shit took, and his philosophy shook:
See my boy up there? He's meditating on the state of the universe/trying to save the world with positive energy/getting down to it at the molecular level/wrapping his dome around the fact that there is no you or me there is only we. Some pretty deep shit, to be sure, but I'm willing to bet that if some douche ran by and nicked his fancy basket hat or his super sweet stone water bowl he'd be all, "Not cool, bro."
That's how I felt last night when I stepped into a local suds hole for a few minutes and then, upon exiting, discovered my scooter had been stolen.
In case you see it:
Having had a few, I went all Batman on the situation, limping down dark alley ways in search of the evildoers, armed only with my brightly colored scarf. Probably best (for me) that I didn't find the crooks. They most likely would have stabbed me up nice before making their 30 mph get away.
What's that you say? I should have called the Bobbsies? Being the fine upstanding taxpayer that I am, I did just that. Here's a transcript of my call:
Me: Hello, I'd like to report a stolen motor vehicle.
Poo.leece: I'm sorry, sir. In order to report a stolen vehicle you need to come to the station in person.
Me: So...My motorized vehicle wot I use to get to places like say...a police station...has been stolen and in order to report it stolen I am required to transport myself to said police station?
Poo.leece: Yes, sir. That's our policy.
Me: Well, congratulations. You've just set the bar for the dumbest effing policy I've ever encountered.
Upon arriving at the Somerville Police station I was informed by a rather large surly woman that although the crime took place in Somerville, "it wasn't [their] jurisdiction". At that point I gave up, went home, fashioned myself a wicker hat and began chanting some nonsensical noises that I'm pretty sure, if I believe hard enough, will eventually save all of humanity.
--LEO CROWLEY
brought to you by
9 comments:
perhaps writing an open letter to the scooter thief on either facebook or in the weekly dig would help you cope with this. also, have they got any promising leads?
THEY GOT US WORKING IN SHIFTS!
is this it or what?
http://idisk.mac.com/dgreening/Public/scooter.jpg
maybe scooter just went off on a bender. needed to blow off a bit of steam, travel, see the world, explode a thai whale, that sort of thing.
http://michaelscomments.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/040129_exploding_whale_hlrg_8ahlarge.jpg
Oh, that was a good old scooter right there wasn't it ?
How you gonna fuck with another mans ve-hicle? No matter how gay that ve-hicle happens to be?
they have any promising leads yet?
I wouldn't hold out hope the tapedeck.
Or the Creedence. Hmph.
Post a Comment