Not sure if being a better asshole means you're better at being a horrible person, or you're not quite as much of an asshole as the rest of the world, but the disappointing answer to the question is to where you get to watch me practice jokes before you get to read them again on this blog and on my Facebook accounts. Solid deal. Go like the too while you're at it. Tell me I'm good, daddy. Please reply. Be safe.
Luke O'Neil
Without FB we would never have had verifiable documentation of our friends devolving into frightened, petty conservatives as we got older.
Luke O'Neil
"I don't know, I'm a vegetarian." If you're a server and you've ever said this to a table, you have failed at your job.
Luke O'Neil
Always tempted to not report obvious spam account followers just to keep my numbers up, but eventually my innate heroism comes through.
Luke O'Neil
Think about the millions of frustrated stand up comedians whose rehearsals we never would've gotten to sit through it weren't for Twitter.
Luke O'Neil
srs question: would you rather have scallops for pegs or lobsters for tits? I await your reply. ?
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6 comments:
'I don't know, I'm a vegetarian.' Brilliant!!! You can go FUCK yourself.
Who's fucking who now?
I have no problem with vegetarians btw, even ones like vj. That's just the least professional response a server can give. Know what you're selling or gtfo izzall.
Asking something subjective like “what’s good?” or “is this good?” or “what would you recommend?” is totally on the list, though.
Yes, those questions suck. It's kind of the job to take them on the chin though and roll with it though. (-Bree Olsen), you know?
Nigga. How the fuck am I supposed to be a musician/artist and be a sensitive bro who doesn't eat animals? I gotta be a motherfuckin waiter. And guess how many vegan/vegetarian restaurants there are and how much money is in them? 2 and 2 dollars, respectively. So if I'm gonna pay the bills and do my arts thing, I gotta wait tables. You know what a fucking steak tastes like anyways.
I feel you bro, all true and funny, I'm just saying, don't use that response. The correct answer to anything you don't know is "Let me go find out."
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