Some of my best friends are purple. |
Kind of feel like Drew Bledsoe watching Tom Brady win the Super Bowl now that I realize Yo Is This Racist? is on the job, but I'm happy to chip in where I can, like when Bledsoe came in in the AFC Championship game against the Steelers after Brady went down... no one cares about this analogy do they? Ok, how about Frank Black pounding back ham sandwiches watching Nirvana on MTV? That work? The point is, I am still pretty good at sniffing out when things are racist or not too, because I'm a white guy and we're usually pretty smart.
Here's one handy way to tell if someone is racist, if they think purple is a race a person can actually be. Purple's a great fruit flavor, but it's not a race. That's probably news to Kelly Clarkson, main singing person from the tv who caused a minor internet shit storm, a shit drizzle I guess you call it, after coming out as a supporter for Ron Paul this week, a fact I just learned about from reading WWTDD?, the other blog I used to steal my ideas from.
"Some people think that stars in Hollywood are only allowed to support liberals and democrats or else they’ll be branded as a racist and a homophobe," WWTDD writes. "And that’s because it’s 100 percent true..." Maybe so, maybe we do hold entertainers to an unfair standard of ideological purity, but everyone knows that one's ability to manipulate air patterns through lungs and vocal chords should always be correlated to their stance on immigration issues. So does supporting Ron Paul make you a racist? Sure, why not. If it helps with the page views, I'm comfortable saying literally anything.
One thing that definitely does make you racist though, is saying something like this:
“I am really sorry if I have offended anyone. Obviously that was not my intent. I do not support racism. I support gay rights, straight rights, women’s rights, men’s rights, ---->white/black/purple/orange rights....I'm not racist, bro. I don't give a fuck what someone looks like, even if they're a color that doesn't exist. I'm so open-minded I'd fuck an alien. Purple men from Mars and shit. Also men's rights, I support those too, because that's a group that is in trouble I think we can all agree.
There is no such thing as orange people, unless you count all the girls I went to high school with on Facebook now. You can't argue that you're open minded by rattling off a list of things that don't exist that you're into. Yeah, I'm not homophobic or anything. I support gays, straights, robot fish, fifteen seater bicycles, Magneto, and 4hj44.
Still though, Since U Been Gone is a fucking jam.
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3 comments:
This one Asian dude at the bar last night passed the fuck out after one beer. Ambulance had to come and everything. The whole time I was like, this shit is racist, but I wasn't sure against who.
Somebody slipped the little fella a Micky. In Boston.
I am really sorry if I have offended anyone. I support Micks.
Happy New Year, Luke!
Oof, The Irish, am I right?
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