Everyone is publishing their end of the year best and worst lists at the moment, but that predictable shit is for rookies and amateurs (except for when I put mine out next week!). Let's get into some advanced-level forecasting and jump ahead to what's guaranteed to lock down the number one spot for most regrettable musical embarrassment of 2012, this track from will.i.am's forthcoming record, featuring hot young upstarts Mick Jagger and Jennifer Lopez, called “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever).” The name of the song is "T.H.E.". And it's an acronym. Just repeating that for the benefit of the court stenographer.
Video below.
Video below.
Setting aside all of the musical war crimes on display here, which are bad enough on their own to warrant banishment to the other side of the wall, I think where this song is really going to distinguish itself is with lyrical gems like this: "You can get that or you can get this, you can call a demon I'm a call Jesus." Because those are actually two options of things one can do I guess? "You can get a curse, or you can get a cross. You could go to work or you could be the boss. I'm a be the owner, be a thought donor." (Thought donors. Another actual thing.) "I'm a go hard like a motherfuckin boner. I'm a make the beat to put the people in a coma. You can be a geek or be a Rolling Stoner." Oh I get it, like the old guy croaking the hook at the end. That was his band you know. 75 years old and still got it. Talking about Mick, not J Lo's cheek hams there, but that also sort of works too I guess.
How about this lyrical follow up though? "I woke up in the morning, hard like morning wood in the morning. Woke up thinking about microphoning, ET on the mic phone the homeland."
Seems our man will has something on his mind. Is there anyone who doubts this song was actually written after he literally woke up with morning wood and that bit of inspirational genius popped into his mind? It's like when McCartney woke up from a dream in which he wrote "Yesterday" in a way, except in this case the one guy you've heard of from the Black Eyed Peas just incepted his piss-engorged cock into your brains. Sick racecar suit or whatever though. Enjoy the billion dollars you're going to make on this song, asshole. You deserve it.
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7 comments:
yikes, wait a minute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8QAmOQVfEc&feature=player_embedded
XMAS SWAGGER by Princess Superstar
So, towards the end of this will.i.am video, dude has basically awakened with morning wood, starts jerking off to mature latina porn, then “accidentally” switches over to some Mick Jagger, but he’s too invested in what he’s doing to stop. Climax. Am I reading this correctly?
“I’m a work hard, that’s my thesis. This beat is the shit, feces,” makes me long for the days when he used slagging mentally retarded people as a vehicle for party lyrics.
Ha, sounds about right. Oh good call on that other line, meant to point out the literal end of hastag rap.
Hammer has passed the torch of dick bragging to this fool. Will doesn't have 3/4 of Oakland for a posse though. Try harder negro.
That's the best HTC BMW Chrysler BeatsByDre commercial I've ever seen.
Were there cars in there? I could only think about old black dick.
I think this is how Anon love starts, with the common love of old black dick. Wass yo name? Shit, Anon.
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