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| (Photo: Daniel Huertas / Icon / BNPS) |
I know I've said this on here before over and over, but the ocean is disgusting. Just filled with millions of hellish monsters eating each other nonstop all day and night who'd suck the steak meat right out of your ass bones in a second if you ever gave them the chance. Like this 280 pound stingray summoned from the depths of my nightmares hauled in by Jeremy Wade from the appropriately-titled TV showed “River Monsters”in Argentina.
The Sun shows us why they're the best at what they do, with this zinger of a hed: "THIS angler landed an a-ray-zing catch — a stingray weighing 20-STONE." I don't know what 20-stone means, but I think it has something to with how many rocks you'd have to drop on its head before it died.
"The flat fish is one of the heaviest found in the world's freshwater rivers and has been known to kill people with its lethal poisonous barb." Oh, you think? This thing was born to kill people. Look at it's devious giant face (does it have a face?). That thing is coming for you. Right now probably.
"People are normally only attacked by the mammoth stingray, whose Latin name is Potamotrygon brachyura, when they step on it by accident, as it lies camouflaged in sand. The fish lashes out with its lethal tail covered in thorny spines that can rip flesh to the bone. Its two barbed four-inch prongs can also inject a flesh-rotting venom." FUUUUCKKKK.
The monster was released back into the water unharmed apparently, which I'm sure was a mistake.
If you're not hiding in the closet already, this giant Weta bug should do the trick:
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| Image by Mark Moffett/Minden Pictures/Solent |
I'd explain more about this little fellow, but I am fucking dead of a heart attack. Let my last act on earth in writing this blog serve as a warning to the rest of you -- kill yourselves now before you can be eaten in your sleep.
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4 comments:
I for one etc...
Swarm of Weta bugs versus that one dude up there? Who you got?
Rhat's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen and I live in Florida.
I find that typo to be apropos.
Ap-prop-poss.
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