You know our Londonish friends over at Platform? They're making a trip to Texas next week for SXSW, and unfortunately I'm not going to be there to punch them in the nuts and give them noogies like a big American brother should. They'll be in good hands anyway it turns out.
Bob Foster (pictured above) chimes in with this bit of fun, which takes a surprising turn toward the macabre by the end.
We’re going to SXSW on someone else’s dime next week. We’re filming stuff for a little home movie we’re putting together and staying for a couple of days after to soak up the local atmosphere sans a&r men. It’s going to be an inverted version of the best straight to DVD movie of 2004, – four British misfits go to America with hilarious consequences and a hundred million weed related gags!
If you feel like inviting us to your party, getting us to interview your band, taking us somewhere weird, coming for a ride in our silver Jeep that we’ve hired (no kidding) or throwing a BBQ in our honour, drop me a line , we’re in the market for making new pals. Special prizes to anyone who can get us into a guy called Hank Sinatra’s country/folk party, last time they had real life cowboys and a swamp! We are so psyched about this trip.
Another thing that’s contributing to our behaving like the brats in the Disneyland ads is that we’re meeting one of our American buddies. Our boy Evan Kenney has written for us a load of times and makes some awesome mixtapes full of classics, and we’re going to see him for the first time in real life!
Today we were talking about what we were going to do when we hung out (after we’d got the tearful embraces out of the way) and he said he’d take us to the haunted railtracks in Austin. He said we could park our silver Jeep on the railtracks and we’d be pushed off them by ghost children who had died in a crash there years before. He said it had happened to him in 2004. Here’s the G Chat I had with him about it. [Which I cleaned up for some reason because, I dunno, grammar -- Luke]
me: Tell me about the ghost children
Evan: Ahhaha! So we met this kid
me: I fucking love this shit. I saw a ghost when i was 16, but we’ll get to that.
Evan: Ahaha amazing. I have lived in 4 haunted houses in my life, for real. So we have a friend who lives in Texas
me: Yeah...
Evan: Who asked us if we wanted to be “totally freaked out." We were bored and broke so we said “of course." He tells us nothing but gave us directions to this railroad crossing.
me: OK.
Evan: It is about 2 am. He tells us to park in the middle of the crossing and turn off the car…and we wait...and wait. In silence
me: So you’re in the car?
Evan: Yep. Van and a trailer. I'm in the backseat and all of a sudden we hear a train in the distance...
me: OK.
Evan: He says, “OK, now stay still, don’t move." The van starts to sway a bit...
me: Side to side or back and forth?
Evan: Both.
me: Woah.
Evan: Yep, and so we are freaking out, but he tells us to keep quiet. We are literally holding our mouths shut.
me: Fuck!
Evan: It sounds like the van is driving through branches, there are scratching sounds on all sides of the van, but we are still.
me: Fuck.
Evan: And then it starts to slowly move forward...
me: You must have been freaking out?
Evan: The van is off, engine is off, all of a sudden we are really moving, slowly, but moving. About two minutes pass and we realize that we are completely off of the tracks. The kid behind the driver’s wheel had his hands off the wheel and his feet off of the pedals.
me: Jeez.
Evan: Man, I did not sleep for at least two weeks. We got out, watched the train pass...
me: Did you hear children?
Evan: No we didn’t. I wish we did, but we heard like people touching the van…lots of people.
me: Did you look out the window or were you too scared?
Evan: Nah man, we had shades on our van windows and the kid told us to keep them down.
me: Wtf? What would have happened if you’d looked?
Evan: I would have probably had a heart attack and died. Our friend said “it’s better if you don’t look” and he wouldn’t say anything more about it.
me: I wanna know what you’d see! I’m gonna google it
Evan: yeah man, I am going to ask him, he doesnt live there anymore but he may be at SXSW.
me: Psyched. So you’re pretty sure it was the real deal?
Evan: Oh yeah man, I am not lying, I grew up in a haunted house. Like I would always see the woman who died in the house as a little kid. I just thought she lived there
me: Jeez.
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