At the risk of making my day job as a restaurant and cocktails writer seem sillier than it already is, we've got to throw the brakes on this foodie thing before it spins out of control.
Actually, too late (see above). Look, I can appreciate the concept of well-matched food and drink as much as the next snooty prick. Most people have no idea what the fuck they're doing when it comes to putting things in their mouths in the right order, which is weird when you consider that stuffing our faces is pretty much the only thing we're good at here in America anymore.
This has to be the death knell of the nascent foodie culture though. How are we ever supposed to take the concept of pairing seriously ever again? My friend and colleague Scott, another fancy food writer type, also happens to have a jones for shitty fast food. He sent this picture over from a recent trip to Burger King, and explains his surprise below.
"So I came across it at a Burker King on the way to the Cape for New Year's Eve," he said. "They were posted like ducks in a row underneath each of the soda dispensers in the self-serve beverage area. I only snapped one of them, but all the sodas, Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, received similar treatment. First, I thought it was a unicorn. Then when I realized it was real, I nearly died in hysterics. This was the first time I've ever glimpsed such pairing instructions, and I'm someone who frequents fast food establishments with unnerving, cancer-causing regularity. I think last month I spied them at the BK by Fenway, but was too hung over to be sure I recalled this correctly later on. May have just been a mirage."
Nope, it's real. Oof on us all.
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9 comments:
I've found that Burger King and violent diarrhea are usually a pretty good pairing.
Man, marketing people are probably going to come out with all kinds of gimmicks now.
Remember when the jelly bean people decided to teach us how to pair root beer and, like, yellow flavored jelly beans together to make a strawberry pie flavor in your mouth? That was a thing.
More to the point, so many of us are dicking around at our jobs, reading humor blogs and trying to be funny, yet some take this thing at face value and assume some square was earnestly putting forth this message instead of taking the piss, whereas the latter is actually more likely, right?
Somebody believed in that message. You don't think the signs they put up at BK aren't put through an entire battery of bullshit testing from the top down, do you?
Just saying, from the top down it is probably meant to be humorous, and if it’s intentionally humorous, it’s actually really lame humor so we can’t really laugh at it and find it hilarious, because we only find it funny by pretending it’s not meant to be funny.
Oh snap, I hadn't thought of it that way.
I like to mash all my food together and stuff it in my mouth all at once. Also, I take a little bit from each dispenser at the soda fountain. Tastes like bubble gum.
This really is just a joke, though. Most of the signs at BK are. I know because I go there. A lot.
So I've been outsmarted by Burger King is what you're saying?
Again?
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