Sunday, March 27, 2011

Otaku: got get your fucking shineboxes

 

Here's my review of Sucker Punch, which I just saw in a theater that smelled like wet wampa balls, with no heat on, sitting next to a 80 year old homeless, mentally-challenged guy who literally said between grunts at one point: "those girls give me a boner."  I also missed the bus trying to make it to the theater on time, then had to pay to park, but the movie went over time and I got a ticket for $30. Why don't people go to the movies anymore? 
 
 
ZOMG. Fanboy overload: school girls with magic swords, mecha armor and helicopters vs. steam punk zombie Nazis with zeppelins, dragons, samurais, cyborgs, orcs and biplanes in space. No nerd stone unturned. I feel like I just got off the set for a sci-fi themed bukkake.
If only it wasn't a piece of  in terms of plot, they would have really had something here. Although I will give the film bonus points for actively telling fans to go fuck themselves while giving them exactly what they want. The metafiction aspects, and multi-tiered reality levels may not be as brain-boning as Inception, but there's something to think about there if you dig for it. It's a commentary on the things we use to escape our own brutal, horrible realities every day, namely films like this. Babydoll (nice subtle name) is a stand in for consumers of media in general. And her hypnotic dancing, which is an analogy for the "dancing" of the type of fight choreography we go to see in action sci fi, is a critique of the ways we're all rendered awestruck by filmed violence. Or maybe the appeal is, just, you know, school girl stripper ninjas ftw.

Also, and I'm JUST SAYING here, but Emily Browning is good at her job. /nopedo




I'm not saying it's a quality piece of cinema, but if you like any of those genre things mentioned above Lord of the Fucking Rings in WWI!?, and you do, then the nerd center of your brain will be jammed with serotonin for 1.5 hours. Almost a joke how much fanservice they crammed in.



Much of it was literally ham-fisted to the extent that I wouldn't have been surprised to see the girls fighting with hams on their fists. The cut scenes and intros to battle stages with voice over instruction narrative were literally video game scenes, but then again, that's what it wanted to be. 

OR DID IT?


IT DID.

So, I don't know, in summary, don't post to your blog after being force fed fernet by your friend, because then you write boring, disjointed messes like this.

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3 comments:

the internet said...

Lot of dissent in the nerdy ranks on this one.

Your girl over at io9 shit on it pretty good.
http://io9.com/#!5785590/sucker-punch-goes-beyond-awful-to-become-commentary-on-the-death-of-moviemaking

said...

Yeah, they mad in the comments over there. YOU DONT GET IT and shit. Nerds talking about movies.

said...

you gotz to admit: present day girlz is pretty good to bone, but girlz from the future who dress like baby hookerz and shoot robot dragonz probably know a few tricks that will light your dick up like darth vader'z lightsaber!

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