Athletes getting suspended from their teams for doing questionable or illegal shit is nothing new. Just this past year in the NFL two of the biggest star quarterbacks were a lumberjack suspended for jamming his meat hooks into the faces and/or vaginas of at least two young women who didn't consent to it, (allegedly that is. I don't know for sure that his hooks are actually made of meat), and a second player who went to jail for murdering something like ten thousand little baby seals in some sort of seal karate tournament. I forget the details but you get the idea. The point is, big time sports are played by horrific douches.
That said, the recent actions of a Brigham Young University basketball player, a conservative Mormon university in Utah, have gone beyond the pale. Just today star player Brandon Davies was suspended from the team, thereby essentially eliminating the squad's hopes of winning the NCAA tournament this March. Davies apparently violated his school's morality code.
"BYU was 27-2 and arguably had the best team in school history," AOL Sporting News reports. "Now a No. 1 seed in the NCAA tournament appears doubtful. The way they looked Wednesday night, the Cougars may not make it out of the Mountain West tournament." Translated into non-sports fan talk that means thousands of Mormon basketball fans just said fuck for the first time in their lives.
So what did this guy do, beat up a woman? Get caught selling drugs? Kill someone with his car? Murder someone and then snitch on his friends like Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens, that horrendous piece of shit? Even worse, bro. He put his manhood inside his girlfriends evil temptation machine. No, not her Xbox 360, the other one, the one where babies pee out of.
AOL continues...
You may not agree with Item No. 2 of the school’s honor code – Live a chaste and virtuous life. You’ll also get in trouble for cussing, drinking, smoking and wearing skimpy clothing around the Provo campus. Certainly if every school enforced Item No. 2, there wouldn’t be enough players to fill a confession box, much less the NCAA tournament field. And the team that won would have the dullest victory party in college history. But you have to admire the Cougars for living up to their standards. Heck, these days you have to admire them for merely having standards.
No you don't. That's like saying you admire someone of faith based on the fact that they have faith in the first place. We do that all the time in this country. He's a man of faith. OK, maybe, but not if it's faith in something retarded, if you'll excuse my Boston townie French.
I think one thing people seem to be overlooking here is that the real offense Davies' made when he confessed to his dean, or coach, or Mormon Jesus, wasn't in violating section 2 of the honor code, it was in violating section 1, which says "be honest."
Look on the bright side though, dude. Maybe you can consider a transfer to Northwestern, where they have classes in how to use a fucksaw.
From the Daily Northwestern:
Northwestern students and administrators are defending an explicit after-class demonstration involving a woman being publicly penetrated by a sex toy on stage in the popular Human Sexuality course last week.
The optional presentation last Monday, attended by about 120 students, featured a naked non-student woman being repeatedly sexually stimulated to the point of orgasm by the sex toy, referred to as a "fucksaw." The device is essentially a motorized phallus.
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5 comments:
The problem with BYU is that there's so much temptation. The girls there are hot. If he just went to Holy Cross, he'd still be playing ball.
I hear that a lot actually. Mormon chicks are hot.
Haha, yeah, Holy Cross, those broads are beat.
WAIT A MINUTE!
Did you mean to say Northwestern or Northeastern?
Woops. Thanks.
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