Things I don't care about:
Eliminating white foods from my diet
Samantha Ronson's ultimate party mix
How to pull off a nautical look
"Sticktoitivness"
Bath detoxes
Agave syrup as a substitute for sugar
Kid friendly eateries in London
ANYTHING ELSE GWYNETH WRITES ABOUT ON HER OFFENSIVE BLOG
Why the FUCK would I take advice from the woman who took Chris Martin's vaginal virginity? When I need really great advice, I usually try to get it from people who don't count Madonna as a close personal Kabbalah friend. I also try to get food tips from people who don't have the balls to film a cooking show with Mario Batali in Spain when they are a fucking macrobiotic. Oh, and shampoo doesn't give you cancer, you ignorant waste of life.
And since Gwyneth counters any negative criticism with newsletters about "evil tongues" and "venomous people" who need to shit on others to better their self-esteem, let me just set the record straight here: I do NOT feel better about myself when I call you a pretentious bag of private school bones (I know Gwynnie, when you wear a fat suit, people do treat you differently), a phony cunt with no talent (she owes Pepper Potts a HUGE apology) or the bullet that Ben Affleck dodged (and that says A LOT, ahem, Bennifer). You know what I feel? An angry boiling rage in my blood because you came up in conversation and I was forced to be reminded of your existence. And don't even try to play the jealousy card here, sweetheart. I am envious of one thing about you and one thing only: You got to attend Hov and B's wedding and I didn't.
Also, GOOP rhymes with poop you dumb bitch. Next time, don't ask Apple and Moses for a website name.
Eliminating white foods from my diet
Samantha Ronson's ultimate party mix
How to pull off a nautical look
"Sticktoitivness"
Bath detoxes
Agave syrup as a substitute for sugar
Kid friendly eateries in London
ANYTHING ELSE GWYNETH WRITES ABOUT ON HER OFFENSIVE BLOG
Why the FUCK would I take advice from the woman who took Chris Martin's vaginal virginity? When I need really great advice, I usually try to get it from people who don't count Madonna as a close personal Kabbalah friend. I also try to get food tips from people who don't have the balls to film a cooking show with Mario Batali in Spain when they are a fucking macrobiotic. Oh, and shampoo doesn't give you cancer, you ignorant waste of life.
And since Gwyneth counters any negative criticism with newsletters about "evil tongues" and "venomous people" who need to shit on others to better their self-esteem, let me just set the record straight here: I do NOT feel better about myself when I call you a pretentious bag of private school bones (I know Gwynnie, when you wear a fat suit, people do treat you differently), a phony cunt with no talent (she owes Pepper Potts a HUGE apology) or the bullet that Ben Affleck dodged (and that says A LOT, ahem, Bennifer). You know what I feel? An angry boiling rage in my blood because you came up in conversation and I was forced to be reminded of your existence. And don't even try to play the jealousy card here, sweetheart. I am envious of one thing about you and one thing only: You got to attend Hov and B's wedding and I didn't.
Also, GOOP rhymes with poop you dumb bitch. Next time, don't ask Apple and Moses for a website name.
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12 comments:
all true, but you seem to know an awful lot about Gwyneth Paltrow. Just throwing that out there... you know, sort of, just thinking out loud.
To hate what you don't know is ignorant, Luke.
Woh there. Take that philosophy talk back to France. This is no place for logic.
I'm glad you brought that up actually. France should be on the List.
Yeah, but be careful. Easy to write yourself right onto the list with an ill-placed surrender, bad smelling or Jerry Lewis joke. Although it might get you a gig writing bits for Jay Leno's new show.
Oh, that's exactly what I am aiming for. In other news, this comment exchange is on the List.
agreed.
France is NOT on the list.
No, but French people in America are.
HAHAHA you win "Player Hater of the Year"... now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go put some water in Buck Nasty's mama's dish.
hating france is on the list.
I don't know belle. I followed her and mario's recipe for a simple and fresh watercress salad dressed with baby tears and topped with bits of 1000 dollar bills. It was delightful.
oh and france sucks.
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