Growing up, I never liked these dudes. You know, the ones who graduated 2-3 years ahead of you, yet were somehow still around all the time. Who are these people, I thought? Townies. People who have decided, you know what, I've seen 5-10 square miles of this entire Earth and I've made my decision... I'm staying! I'm finishing my coffee! They own landscaping companies and drive jeeps and have shitty houses where their wives take care of the 2-3 kids that they've pumped out before I've even decided what kind of career I'm going to pursue. Sometimes though, they like to get away -- just like that Billy Joel song -- and inevitably pick the worst places in the world. Nonetaken Florida and Las Vegas.

Anyway, growing up, I never liked these dudes just because they seemed so content with everything. That was way before I realized that these were the same ones that would grow up to say "We shouldn't question the president." By the way, now that the president is a muslin [sic] who was sworn in on a Keran [sic], are you still standing by that statement? Oh sorry, didn't realize you couldn't hear me while wearing your weed whacker ear protection headphone things. I said, I HOPE BRADY'S KNEE HOLDS UP THIS SEASON!!

brought to you by