Friday, May 29, 2009

Smokers

Sure, you wanna quit but for now you'll settle for being addicted to something that really has no benefit whatsoever, no rush, no numbness, no high. At least you get the satisfaction of having yellow fingers and teeth and wrinkles and lung cancer. These disgusting emphysema straws make you look like a slob or a prostitute, but maybe you can fool people into thinking you're European because Europeans all smoke and they smell bad too.

That death rattle cough you got going there is pretty attractive too, I'll bet you can hack up some pretty impressive grayish phlegm. DEE-LISH. Anyway at least you won't get fat unless you quit..oh wait, of course you will because once you can taste food again you'll start eating like Kobayashi in training because you are clearly weak and devoid of willpower.

Well, you are very brave because you are clearly not affected by hospital stays, machines beeping in the background or breathing through a hole in your neck, so there's that. With any luck you'll get one of those awesome doohickeys that makes you sound like a robot.

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4 comments:

said...

Can't wait for the defensive comments on this baby

said...

Looking like a total badass isn't a benefit?

said...

getting cancer still outweighs sitting through your bands set, so if you need me i'll be out front of PA's smoking a butt.

said...

smoking is on the list, sure. THE AWESOME LIST!!!

for real though, oof, smoking. love it still though. gonna go burn one right now.

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